What is in the Way of Your Weight Loss?

by | Nov 8, 2022

Oftentimes, Halloween is the beginning of the end. It’s the candy catalyst that brings us right into November. It’s colder. It’s darker. It’s Thanksgiving. It’s Christmas and so on. I want to tell you that it doesn’t have to go downhill from Halloween. This could be a different year. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. 

There is that in-between lane. 

It’s not easy to be in the in-between lane. Our brains are so used to dieting it’s almost as if our brains are saying, “Okay, if you’re not dieting, then you’re not going to lose weight.” That’s what we do here at Unf*ck Your Weight Loss, we work on those thoughts!

The most pivotal question I could ask you as a coach is…”What is in the way of your weight loss?” Is it:

  • What you eat 
  • How much you eat
  • How much you exercise
  • Stress

What is keeping you from being able to achieve permanent weight loss? What is the d*mn obstacle standing in your way? While it may seem like it’s one of these common things, the answer to this question might surprise you. Are you ready? IT’S YOUR BRAIN! That’s right the thing that keeps you alive and breathing is a traitorous b*itch. But instead of judging and blaming, let’s go beyond that.

Oftentimes,  when we think about what is in the way of our weight loss, we think about our work schedule, kids, travel, weekends, etc. I want to point something out. All of those are just the circumstances. Those are not the obstacles that are in the way of your weight loss. 

What is happening is that you’re making it mean because I’m so busy, and my kids have all the team sports, and I have to travel for work or a wedding or whatever, it’s going to be too hard to plan. It’ll be too hard to pack food. I won’t know what to order. They won’t have food for me. I’ll be missing out! This will be difficult. 

You probably want to solve this and put weight loss and worrying about weight loss in your rearview mirror. So ask yourself:

  • What is in the way of my weight loss? 
  • What do we think is in my way? 

There’s no right or wrong answer. Write down your answer on a piece of paper, what is in the way of your weight loss, and see what comes up, put it all on paper. Then you could ask yourself questions, 

  • What about the weekend? 
  • What about travel? 
  • How is that a problem? 

In diet land, we’re so used to the idea that everything has to be perfect.

Everything has to be a special list of diet foods. What if I’m on an airplane, and they don’t have plain grilled chicken breasts on a salad? That’s a problem. Or if I didn’t pack hard-boiled eggs and a can of tuna? I didn’t have that as my snack on the plane. Instead, I had whatever they served. That’s a problem. I’m going to tell you../it’s not a problem!

Could you pack food? Sure. Could you bring a protein bar? Sure. Could you eat before you get on the plane? There are a lot of ways to solve this problem. What I think happens is that we just say if it’s not perfect, then anything else is a problem. And it’s not! It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be that extreme.

What is in the way of your weight loss?

What is in the way of your weight loss is going to be pivotal, if you let it be. Probably 99% of women who want to lose weight, want to lose it fast. Then, give up too easily when it’s not fast. 

We live in an instant society. Everything is Amazon Prime. I want to be skinny NOW! That’s where we’re at. We can get anything we want, immediately, except long term success. You’re not going to get that immediately. 

If you can be patient and ride the waves, the ups and downs, and keep going, you will get to where you want to go.

What’s happening is that I want to lose it too fast and I quit too easily. Do you know why? It’s because it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good to have slower weight loss. It doesn’t feel good to wonder if this is working. We lose our self-trust and have a lot of doubt. Our brain is going to tell us that we messed it all up. 

This is the problem, and the solution is solvable.

You can sit with uncomfortable feelings. They don’t last forever. The worry, the impatience, the need for instant gratification. If you’re feeling defeated or disappointed because the scale didn’t go down, that’s just a temporary feeling. Instead of running to the refrigerator and drowning your sorrows,  what if you just felt disappointed? You thought the scale would go down this week, and it didn’t. You can go evaluate what you did last week. Ask yourself:

  • Did I miss something here? 
  • Can I trust myself to keep going?
  • Keep walking?
  • Drinking the water? 
  • Getting seven hours of sleep
  • Eat the protein?  
  • Take care of myself?
  • Can I trust that this is going to happen?

I can tell you, as somebody who’s been on both sides, success happens over time. I wish it was overnight. I wish it was a push of a button. 

The weight loss puzzle is maintenance.

What happens when we are looking for the fast result? We go to keto or low carbs or intermittent fasting. We do all the things. We restrict. We do two hours of exercise a day. We’re on a tight timetable. It takes a lot out of you. 

When I go to low carb, keto, contest prep, or to some extreme to get the end result, I get there, but I’m still the same person I was 20, 30, or 40 pounds ago. Or I don’t lose the 20, 30, or 40 pounds because I’m getting easily discouraged and a lot of my self-talk is:

  • This isn’t for you. 
  • You’re never going to lose weight. 
  • Why bother? 

Because you’re not working on who you could be. Think about:

  • Who would I have to be? 
  • What does she think? 
  • What does my future self think? 

If I were to lose 20 pounds, 30 pounds, or 40 pounds, I can’t just have the scale go down and still think the same thoughts. That’s oftentimes why you aren’t going the distance. It’s not permanent weight loss. 

Permanent weight loss is a lot less about the actual diet itself, and more about who you think you are.

This is something you can change. You can change who you think you are. I know a lot of us, especially growing up, have people telling us who we are. I have news for you. F*ck those people! It’s not true!

Could we all have fast weight loss? Absolutely, it would be delightful. There are a lot of industries trying to promote that; CoolSculpting, liposuction, gastric sleeves, plastic surgery, weight loss pills, etc. But it’s not a solution if you don’t work on your self-identity.

It takes time to have new thoughts!

It’s all possible. Losing weight and keeping it off is absolutely possible. It’s not overnight. It’s not a magic wand. It’s not because you find the right diet. It is just a process of going along and seeing;

  • What exercise works for me? 
  • What foods work for me? 
  • What foods don’t work for me? 
  • Am I hungry? 
  • What is going on with me?
  • What is in the way of your weight loss?

That’s the magic question!

If it is because you want to lose it too fast, and you quit too easily, you’re not alone. You’re in the right place. This is how I work with clients all the time. I help them solve that and move towards this idea of their future self. 

Our identity is not fixed. Our identity is flexible, and malleable. A big part of weight loss that no one talks about is that piece of a new identity and our brains. You aren’t going to be on board with that. 

It’s really an identity crisis.

Who Am I?  Who am I if I lose 50 pounds? Who am I if I gained 50 pounds? This is something to work on. You don’t need it to be too fast. You want it just to be on pace, where you’re checking in with yourself on what you think and what you feel and experience. Who do you become in the process of losing weight?

The number on the scale does not change your identity.  It’s the process of getting there.


Oftentimes, Halloween is the beginning of the end. It’s the candy catalyst that brings us right into November. It’s colder. It’s darker. It’s Thanksgiving. It’s Christmas and so on. I want to tell you that it doesn’t have to go downhill from Halloween. This could be a different year. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. 

There is that in-between lane.


Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.

Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience.

Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.

By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.

Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you unf*ck your diet brain.

She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.

Connect with Bonnie-

Facebook Group- https://www.facebook.com/groups/707942356603835

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Website- https://bonnielefrak.com

Application- https://bonnielefrak.com/application

Email- bonnie@bonnielefrak.com

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