Humans by nature are social animals and I hope that you have some events to go to this year. Some of us might be more social or less social than others, but I don’t think you can escape having situations where you are around or confronted with different kinds of food.
I have done a Summer Eating Masterclass.
You will find the link to that in the show notes. You can still get that as the replay. It is a whopping $7. It is worth at least $8. It’s potentially worth 1000’s of dollars if it helps you solve some of the the reasons why you’re struggling with eating. Whether it is summer or winter or spring or fall, doesn’t really matter. You get a workbook with it. The replay will come right to you in your email. You could take all the time in the world to listen to it, it does not expire.
Today’s topic is going to be in and around that it’s not the same material I cover in the masterclass. If you’re already in the free group, you may or may not have seen this. I know Facebook is a very busy place and we only see about 10% of what is really out there. I had posted in my free group (Food, Fitness, Fat Loss), a question about podcasts.
I asked people;
- If they actually listened to the podcast.
- If they had no idea I had a podcast.
- If they hated podcasts.
I wanted to find out where they were on the podcast.
Obviously many people have come to the free group via the podcast. I like to be conversational, right? Facebook, social media in general, whether it’s Instagram or LinkedIn or what have you. It’s all about being social. I had a woman on this page, tell me that she listened to a podcast, if the title piqued her interest? And I’m like, Okay, fair enough. I guess if I had a podcast titled, “you know how to put bait on a hook for fishing,” it may not appeal to all of my listeners here.
I asked her, “what actually piques your interest?” That’s the big question. She told me, “eating in summer, how to get through party, cravings, and food ideas”
Of course, I did say,”PS, by the way, I had a Summer Eating Masterclass. Here it is. And there’s a podcast episode, probably from back in December, about cravings and temptations that you can find. All of the material there is still applicable.”
Getting a little bit deeper in the conversation. I wanted to know what is challenging for you about parties? What is the problem with parties? Why are parties a challenge? This is why asking questions is so valuable.
She told me, “party food is so good. It’s hard to stop at one or two.” Boom, right? So there we have it.
I want you to understand, those are thoughts. Those are beliefs. They’re not necessarily facts. I think it’s easy to believe that our thoughts are on autopilot. She did not have trouble coming up with an answer. We look at those party foods as so good that it’s hard to stop at one or two.
Then I had more questions for her.
- What is party food?
- Is it something you can’t ever get anywhere else or ever again?
- What is it about that food at the party that makes it seem so irresistible or special?
- Why is it hard to stop?
- Do you ever plan what you’ll eat or not eat?
- Why is a party different from a Saturday night at your house or a dinner at a restaurant or any other day?
- What is it about a party?
- Are you trying to create joy?
- If you’re busy eating or thinking about the food does it make the party more fun?
- What other things do you like about parties?
- Talking to your friends or relatives?
- Or do you actually not like that and eating keeps you busy?
- Is there something tied up in your childhood with eating or not eating at parties? It can be just habitual to eat all the things at the parties.
- How many parties do you actually go to any year?
- Do you love going to parties?
- How do you feel while this is happening?
- How do you feel when you get home?
- How do you feel the next day?
I know it’s a lot to think about.
That’s how you untangle your party and food challenge is to look at your thoughts and feelings, because that’s why you’re taking the actions of over consuming and then feeling like you’re blowing your weight loss.
My friend in the free group wrote something like “I got all the food and made awesome healthy choices. The dessert I bought was not something that would tempt me. Then someone came in with a chocolate loaded delicious something. And I was done. Too tempting that day, I guess. But I am back on track this week. Feeling sugar cravings, for sure.”
Everything here is probably very relatable because this is a real conversation with a real woman just like you and just like me.
The thought was, it was just too tempting. What I wrote is about practicing delayed gratification. As humans, our brains will see a chocolate loaded something and think “that looks so good. It’s so tempting. I’m too tempted.”
I want to offer that it’s okay to be tempted. But what would give you the most gratification?
- Eating something chocolate and the joy that lasts less than 10 minutes. And then the regret that usually comes with it.
- Following your plan, and not eating everything that “looks good” and then feeling calm at parties. Also the gratification of losing weight and meeting all of your why’s for why you want to lose weight.
When we want to lose weight but feel powerless against temptations.
Then we eat and that tells our brains we aren’t serious about our goals. Then we get stuck in the cycle. My advice was practicing being tempted without indulging is the work.
If we don’t manage the temptations, then we’re always a victim of circumstance. Everything’s going great until someone brings that chocolate loaded, whatever. Now you’re eating something you hadn’t planned on. I think this is a huge aha for us all. We can be a victim of circumstance, or feel in charge of our own actions. Yes, this takes practice every time until it becomes who you are.
Today I was cleaning out my email. In my junk email box I have a lot of email lists that I’ve subscribed to. I do check my junk email. I just scan it real quick to see if anything jumps out. It’s obviously a subject line that would jump out. That’s why subject lines are so interesting.
I love Andy Frisellas. I don’t know if you follow him. He’s a straight shooter. A straight talker. Just tells it like it is, in his words. I clicked on this email today and I actually shared it with the free group. I wrote, “funny how the universe works. I was commenting this morning on the conversation inside my podcast post obviously inside this group regarding temptations and going through my junk emails. I decided to read one from Andy Frisellas before dumping the box.” Here it goes:
“You need to get uncomfortable. We live in a society where most things can be had instantly. Everything seems easy and stress free. Which will force most people into a lifestyle of comfort and complacency. They expect everything now, but that’s not how it works. The longer you make decisions based on what’s going to be the easiest and most enjoyable now, the longer you’ll keep yourself from taking action and building the discipline you need to do anything worthwhile in life. Short term gratification is a disease. One that will destroy your potential in the long term. You need to get uncomfortable, and fast. Everything you truly want in life waits on the opposite side of the struggle. There is no avoiding it. You can either live comfortably now and die with the regret of what could have been, or get uncomfortable now and build a life that gives you the freedom to live as comfortably as you want down the road. There are no other options”
I was like, yes! Yes, it is uncomfortable to not have or drink or eat whatever we want, as soon as we see it. But that is just temporary. Right? That is just a moment in time where we notice, yeah, of course I want that. Of course I want instant results. I want my amazon.com body. I want to have it all.
I want my cake. I see that. I want it. I love that it tastes so good. And that’s it. It keeps us stuck, we do not progress. It will feel uncomfortable to pause, to wait to say no, to say tomorrow, to say later, to say no thank you. That is the work.
It’s not that you can’t have chocolate loaded something, but having it doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t. It only prevents you from reaching your goals. There is no chocolate loaded something that is worth you not holding yourself to your own word. To not have that level of trust and integrity with yourself.
This is practice. This is the work.
- It’s not being better at measuring your food.
- It’s not being better at tracking macros.
- It’s not doing more exercise.
It is really getting through this being uncomfortable.
Being uncomfortable is temporary.
The more we practice being uncomfortable, the easier it gets. We will get to a place where we are always comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s how you make progress. That’s how you get to the next step, the next level. Your next next iteration of where you’re going and who you want to be.
I’d love to say again, this is really about untangling weight loss. A lot of the bullshit, the lies, and the stuff we get stuck on, this is the work. It is sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes it’s not fun.
Sometimes it’s not fun to say, “I’m not going to have the chocolate loaded, whatever.” But if we don’t, then we lose our own autonomy. We have no control, we have no power, everything is uncertain. We’re always going to feel anxious at every occasion, because we don’t know what someone else is going to bring. We just don’t know, we think things are going great till something comes through the door. We can never know unless we just never leave the house. Unless we just tape our mouth shut instead.
If you do want to go to these events, then be ready to feel uncomfortable.
Make your plan ahead of time.
- What are you eating?
- What are you not eating?
- How do you want to feel the next morning?
- Do you want to sleep terribly all night?
- Do you want to be like eating Pepto Bismol?
- Do you want to feel like you’re gonna throw up because you ate too much?
- Or do you just want to sleep well and know that you stuck to your plan?
And then if there was something so special and so unreal you could go get it today. You could go figure it out. You could email that person and say, “Hey, I wasn’t able to taste your chocolate loaded something, whatever. What is it? Why Where’d you get it from? I’m interested in it.”
We could always make it happen later, but to act on every single thing, it makes us feel powerless. I really think it chips away at our own self trust, our own self esteem. It makes us feel like oh, I lied again. I didn’t do it again. I said I wasn’t going to do it. And then I did it.
And we don’t want that if you want to lose weight and keep it off.
The relationship you have with yourself, and your word is numero uno.
Getting uncomfortable is just a practice and it’s just a feeling. It’s a temporary feeling. I’d be surprised if it lasted more than five or 10 minutes of you feeling uncomfortable saying “wow, that looks really great but I’m all set not having any. I’ll get the latest phone number to find out what that is and I’ll think about it for later.”
I wanted to share that with you. I know usually summers are filled with parties, very casual beach party, a barbecue, a little get together. There’s lots of drinking and eating and snacking and all those things and it doesn’t mean I’m not against having chocolate loaded whatever. I am just pointing out if it feels like it’s a temptation and that you had no control, I want to put you back in the driver’s seat.
ABOUT THE HOST
Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Selfmade, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.
Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on.
Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience. Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.
By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.
Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you u****k your diet brain. She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.
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