I want to ask you a very important question, is there something that you want that you do not have?
I want to ask again. Is there something that you want that you do not have?
Chances are if you want to lose weight, you probably feel like you don’t have a lot of answers, that there is something missing.
What is it that you want?
For most of us with weight loss, we frame it as:
- I need to lose weight,
- I want to lose weight,
- I want to weigh less,
- I want to lose fat,
- I want to gain muscle,
- I want to be leaner.
What is it? Put it all out there on paper. Then ask yourself, what is the gap between where you are now and where you want to be? How will you get what you want?
If you don’t have;
- Weight loss,
- Fat loss,
- Good health,
How would you get it?
You might be scratching your head like, well, if I had the answer I would already have it. I want to tell you that maybe that’s not true. Sometimes when we ask ourselves questions, or somebody asks us a question, you’re going to come up with I don’t know. My clients really love this when I ask, if you didn’t know, what would the answer be? If you didn’t know what the answer would be, this is just a way to see what you do know.
Our brains are always gonna say,
- I don’t know.
- I have no idea.
- I’m lost.
- I’m stuck.
- I’m confused.
- I’m overwhelmed.
- I don’t know where to start.
- I can’t get started.
So let’s see what is really there.
If it is that you want the weight loss, you might frame it as;
- I want to be leaner.
- I want to be lighter,
- I want to be in a different size,
- I want less body fat,
- I want more muscle definition,
- I want better health.
The words you use might be slightly different. I throw weight loss out there as sort of a catch all.
Asking ourselves and figuring out, is this really a knowledge problem? I don’t have the knowledge around general nutrition. I don’t have any knowledge about what calories are or how much I should eat. Again, no judgment, because that can be very confusing.
Is it more specific info? Like I’m not really sure about how much I should strength train. Or I don’t really know what to ask my doctor. Is it a time problem? I feel like I just don’t have any time to do this. I’m short on time. I have no time to organize it myself. I just don’t have patience. I’m not willing to take the time. I don’t want it to take too long. I need it to go faster.
Is it truly a mindset problem? It’s just about motivation or discipline, or you are always self sabotaging. Again, your brain will probably say I don’t know and that’s okay. That’s my job as a coach is to help identify the gap from what it is that you actually want, to where you want to go. What is missing?
I think about this, like a deep dive, which I would do with my clients. Let’s look at;
- the food,
- the workouts,
- the supplements,
- the hormones.
All of the variables and see where are we going here.
One of the things that’s always going to come up when we’re talking about weight loss, fat loss, retaining or building muscle mass, you’re talking about overall health, your feelings of energy or hunger, or all of that is going to really fall under metabolism.
Chances are if you are here, you’re female, you’re likely 39 to 59+, if you are not in that age category, that’s okay. I wish that this existed when I was in my 20s and 30s. If you’re over 59, that’s okay, too. Someday I will be there too.
When I think about metabolism, I think about all the different ways that I have really wrecked my own. Here’s the good news. Once you wreck your metabolism, it’s not like you’ve totaled the car and it’s never coming back. The human body is very resilient. Our bodies are very determined to keep us alive. In order to be alive, we obviously have some level of metabolism. Our bodies have to metabolize food, alcohol, air pollution, life, etc. Our body is constantly working.
If you are a female who’s ever tried to lose weight, you may or may not have done things that were risky to your metabolism. It’s not like, we can turn back the time and we’re all going to be 20 years old and start over. I just want to point out some of the things that could be an issue for you, if you’re trying to lose weight and keep it off. This is going to be very important.
There are two pieces to the puzzle, losing weight is just the first step. Keeping it off is the bigger, longer step. You don’t lose weight and stay there. You don’t reach a weight or a body composition and just keep it there. I know talking about a weight loss journey, or process, is so overused, but that’s the reality. If you are changing your body composition, and you are losing body fat, and building or keeping muscle, it is a long term process. It is the rest of your natural life that you will be working on this to some extent. It’s kind of like the seasons of weight loss.
We don’t have to be looking for calorie restriction, calorie deficit, amping up our strength training, amping up our supplements to the end of time. Doing all the things all the time is not the answer. That is what can have a negative effect on your metabolism. That is essentially what chronic dieting is, this constant calorie restriction and exercise. All of that is the yearning for weight loss. There’ll be seasons of it.
If you want to lose weight, I think it’s important to look at the possible gaps. Where you want something that you do not have. We need to figure out how to get you from point A to point Z and fill in the rest of the alphabet. Where are the gaps there? There could be multiple things.
I’m gonna read you a list of 10 plus items. Many of them have some overlap, as you would imagine. I don’t think anything in our metabolism is a standalone. Hormones communicate with one another. There’s not usually one metabolic issue that doesn’t have some bleed over.
1) Yo-yo dieting.
If you want to really wreck your metabolism then I suggest yo yo dieting for sure. If it’s one thing I really wanted to solve in the last three years working with clients inside of Self Made, it was this. One of the gaps that I saw for me was, how do I help clients maintain their weight loss and thrive? Continue to become more muscular or leaner or healthier or more vibrant or you feel more comfortable in their own body. Just make this a better process.
Rather than lose weight gain weight, lose weight gain weight, lose weight gain weight. Yo yo dieting. That can look like a lot of different things. Sometimes it is losing the same 20 to 30 pounds twice a year. After a while weight loss does get harder because our metabolic rate sets lower.
Generally speaking, yo-yo dieting, is a cycle of under-eating and over-exercising to a point that is not sustainable. It does not become a lifestyle. At some point, after 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 6 months, something stops. They go back to eating the way they were. They did something to lose the weight and then stopped doing it.
It can happen where you could get injured or you change your job or what have you. But whatever you did to lose the weight you’re not continuing to do, and then you gain the weight back. Then you go back to trying to lose the weight. Maybe you go back to keto, low carb, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, SlimFast, fasting, whatever and do it again and do it again.
Over time, our bodies don’t bounce back as quickly. Generally, when you gain the weight back, you’re not gaining back the muscle that you lost. Even with the very best weight loss approaches, you’re going to lose some muscle mass.
When we think about losing weight, we often think about a caloric deficit or restricting calories. Eating a lot less or eating as little as possible to lose weight. Dieting our face off, hard dieting, strict dieting, make it as draconian and Spartan as possible. That works. Sometimes it doesn’t work long term. That’s often why we find ourselves in this sort of yo-yo diet predicament. We did cut calories way too low.
The faster the weight loss goes, the more exciting it is. It’s like that dopamine hit of seeing the scale go down and feeling your clothes get looser. The faster it goes, the faster we get those dopamine hits. Then you throw in that somebody notices and compliments you. We’re getting more and more of those dopamine hits. It really prompts us to continue this hard diet lifestyle of eating as little as possible, moving as much as possible, restrict, restrict, restrict.
As somebody who was a chronic dieter that felt very comfortable to me. It felt very certain. It feels good, it makes you feel in control, even if you’re starving. You can never go to any social occasions. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar for a lot of people. However, eating as little as possible is how you lose a ton of muscle, which then affects the rate you burn calories in general. If you then gain the weight back, you’re just gaining back body fat. Once that muscle is lost, it’s lost until you are able to rebuild it.
It’s very hard to rebuild muscle in a huge caloric deficit. It does take calories, fuel, nutrition to be able to gain muscle back.
3) Over exercising.
Working out too much. Every time I eat I have to get on my peloton or go for a run. I need to lift faster, heavier, and more in order to be fit. In order to build muscle and keep it you do have to strength train. However, there is going to be a point of no return where you’re actually doing too much.
Not trying to throw all of CrossFit under the bus. It’s very generic in general to say CrossFit is guilty of something, it’s not. It’s just people get really caught up in a movement. In some CrossFit gyms the idea is to do as much as you possibly can, as quickly as you can. It’s like lift as heavy as you can, as quickly as you can. Everything is fast. You don’t want to be last. You have to keep up. You have to do the prescribed amount of reps or sets or weight. That’s not going to work for everyone. That works for a little while, just like undereating works for a little while. Throw in an injury or you get sick or you change jobs, the gym closes, or something happens, and it throws you off course.
I am all for working out, I think finding something that you enjoy doing is a great place to start.
When I, as a woman over 40, embark on more under-eating and more overworking out, I am going to stress an already stressed out body. I don’t think there’s anybody who’s impervious to stress. It’s just part of being human, life is stressful. We’re built to handle some level of stress.
Over time you start to see your metabolism slow down because of stress. There are hormones involved with this, so it’s not just stress. Stress makes you fat, or stress kills you. Those are kind of true. But there are some underlying things here. You see those commercials about belly fat and cortisol. The commercials, to some extent, are not wrong.
What happens is that we are trying to do it all. We’re always on the go.
- I’m going get up early.
- I’m going to work out.
- I’m gonna take care of my house.
- I have a job, maybe I have two jobs.
- I have all these things.
I’m going to do it all. I’m going to do it with less than six hours of sleep, and I’m going to try to cut all the calories. That can work, until it doesn’t.
For every single woman, I think the breaking point may be different. It just depends on your genetics. Some people can take more. Some people just break faster. Minimizing stress is something that seems impossible. It’s like, take a nap or do a bubble bath or get my nails painted. Live a life of leisure, right? I don’t have time for that. I don’t have time to rest. The truth is, most of us feel that way. You’re not alone. I think it’s important to look at your overall stressors in your life and figure out what is doable.
When I think about stress and cortisol, I think about your metabolism. The one thing that really comes to mind is sleep. Being able to fall asleep, stay asleep and commit to a sleep schedule. If you are thinking that you want weight loss and you don’t have it, it could be because of this. The inability to sleep or lack of sleep. This is this isn’t something that happens in a day, it doesn’t happen in a month, it happens usually over the course of six months, a year, two years.
When I think back in my own personal life, I lived a very stressful life by choice. For a lot of women we strive in stress, and we strive when things are very busy and chaotic and drama awful. I lived that life for a really long time. I always had a commute to work. I always had a job within a job within a job. I was at the corporate level inside of fitness. So managing large corporate fitness centers, managing people, training people, personal training, and teaching classes. I was go go go for a long time, until the shit hit the fan.
Then I took it to the next level. I got on stage and competed and competed and competed and competed until my body just gave out. Which was followed by a few failed pregnancies. I had to take over a full year to try to restore my own metabolism.
You’re going to reach a time where you have to ask yourself, what is it that I do want? Why don’t I have it? Let’s identify those gaps. For most women over 40, there is going to be some gap that we can address in terms of your own personal metabolism.
5) Suboptimal thyroid function.
Many of these are connected. You’re not going to have a lot of stress and a cortisol curve that does not flow correctly within range. And also have that separate from under eating or separate from the suboptimal thyroid. That’s why I think it does become difficult and people do seek out help. You can spend weeks, months, years down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out what is wrong. Why isn’t this working? Why can’t I lose weight ? It’s almost like chasing a ghost. I know something’s wrong. I see something, but I can’t identify what that is. It’s that feeling of chasing and chasing and chasing.
We live a life of chasing lean, that’s all we’re doing. Whether you want to call it chasing lean, or chasing thin or chasing slim, Whatever your word is. In my friend circle, we kind of call this chasing lean. It’s something that occupies your brain over and over. Like;
- Why aren’t I where I want to be?
- What do I have to add?
- What more do I have to do?
- What am I missing?
My job as a coach is to help fill in those gaps. Let’s go through this checklist. Many times the answer is suboptimal thyroid. I did a whole masterclass on this, by the way. If you missed the masterclass, we’ll probably have it up on the website shortly.
Suboptimal thyroid is kind of everywhere. I mean, I think it’s pretty common. You see it happen with lots of women after childbirth, that never gets totally resolved. Then as our hormones start to change as we go through perimenopause and menopause, this can shift again. Hormones all work in conjunction with one another. You don’t have one hormone going lower or higher without another somehow affecting or trying to compensate.
Suboptimal thyroid is one of those things that a lot of doctors will run one test called the TSH, the thyroid stimulating hormone test. If that comes back normal, they’re usually not willing to go any further, which can be very frustrating. Because I am not a doctor and I am certainly not your doctor, but I am my own doctor, I am my own advocate. That’s what this is about, you know, being your own advocate. When you are pretty convinced that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck. You just need somebody to help you figure that out. If it’s ruling things in or ruling things out, I like to get a full thyroid panel. I like to see the TSH, free T3, free T4, thyroid antibodies and reverse T3. That would be my ideal dream.
When you talk about thyroid hormones there one hormone T3 is the metabolically active thyroid hormone. Many times doctors just gloss over that. Much of the thyroid medication prescribed is only T4. It’s only levoxyl or something. To that extent llevo Lebo thyroxin is a T4 only medication. And that is great. If you have a T4 issue, most women do not, something is happening on the receptor site or conversion issue. Where, for whatever reason, your body is not converting T4 to T3.
If you’re like what the f*ck are you talking about? It’s okay. You can find out more. If this is intriguing or sounds familiar, or you’re like I need to know more, one of the sites that has really helped me a lot is called stop the thyroid madness.com. Some of it may seem fringy.
Again, I’m not a doctor. I’m also not trying to push a narrative that your doctor doesn’t know best for you. That’s not my intention at all. But sometimes you might need to have more information so you can have a better conversation with your own physician. Sometimes we go to our doctors and we’re not really articulating what we’re looking for or even what our symptoms are.
Sometimes with weight loss or thinking about our metabolism things kind of feel the same. Having suboptimal thyroid can also feel like having a cortisol curve that’s out of whack. It could also be high estrogen. It could be low testosterone. It could be a lot of different things. So sometimes really being clear on what you are experiencing and making sure your doctor is listening to you. It’s really not enough to go talk to a physician and be told, well that’s just the way it is. That you’re just going to have to suck it up or suffer or because you’re getting older or going through perimenopause or menopause that that is just the way it is that you live. You know, low quality of life. That’s what it really comes down to.
If you really think about wanting to lose weight. Feeling not your best. Feeling low energy or sluggish or having brain fog or feeling hungry all the time or not hungry or bloated, died yesterday, like all of these things are quality of life issues.
6) Gut health.
Your physician may only know a little bit about gut health. Not every primary care, OBGYN or endocrinologist know about gut health. You can have a really top notch primary care physician who puts together all kinds of high level diagnoses, but they might not know enough about it. The natural paths and the functional medicine people seem to be a little bit more honed in on this idea of gut health or leaky gut or digestive issues. Sometimes we have symptoms that we’ve had for so long that we don’t even realize that it’s not normal to always feel bloated or overly full from eating or so constipated that you only have one bowel movement a week. That’s not really normal.
Do you even think about the fact that you are eating three meals a day and you only have one bowel movement a week? That’s a lot of feces that’s not coming out, for whatever reason. When I look at somebody’s metabolism, or try to help bridge that gap, what’s going on there? We can’t expect to eat food, and then not worry about what happens to it on the other end.
We see more and more autoimmune diseases.I don’t want to say it’s only women, but women really are noticing Hashimotos, Graves disease, rheumatoid arthritis, celiac. Then they’re sort of the in betweens of these food sensitivities or food allergies or reactions to environmental things.
Inflammation isn’t necessarily having arthritis in my knee or I sprained an ankle or I cut myself or I have a bruise or I have swelling. If you have joint swelling that isn’t because you fell down, but both knees are swollen, or your ankles are swollen. These are signs and symptoms that something more is going on. When our body is inflamed, weight loss is not a priority. Your body is not going to focus on weight loss. In fact, your body is probably holding a lot of water.
Simply put, there are a lot of different reasons. Your metabolism might not be functioning. I truly believe if you’re trying to lose weight and you’re not losing weight, there is not one answer. It’s not like the eat less, move more is the answer. There are lots of layers to uncover.
8) Not enough protein.
Maybe you’ve dabbled with vegetarianism or being a vegan or trying to eat more plant friendly, less animal meat. I’ve gone on and off that for 20 plus years. Where sometimes the animal protein is just sort of killing me. I just don’t like it. I like animals and sometimes cooking animal protein doesn’t feel great, but not taking in enough protein is going to have you likely losing muscle mass.
If we want to keep muscle mass, we have to think about the different ways I could do that.
- Can I use a plant based protein powder?
- Can I use protein bars?
- What about Greek yogurt?
- Or cottage cheese?
- Or eggs?
- Or am I going to try to add in tofu?
I would be thinking about getting a minimum of 25 grams of protein over a minimum of three meals that brings you to 75 grams a day. If you look that up, that’s pretty much considered the minimum. Is there a maximum? No. There’s a lot of mythology and folklore about the amount of protein your body could process.My body can process two boxes of Twinkies. My body can process a fifth of Jack Daniels. My body could process pretty much anything. So no don’t fall down that rabbit hole of the too much protein and all of that. Your body will tell you if you’re trying to eat something that it does not agree with. I wouldn’t eat six pounds of kidney beans trying to get a lot of . That is probably not going to feel great. Having too much fiber all at once is not going to feel good.
Really looking to add protein and keeping track of it. If you’re somebody who’s never tracked what they’re eating, whether it is just a written food log or a macro track or some way to just count grams of protein, start there.
Many of us have been counting fat grams or carbs for 10-20 years. It’s got to be low fat, or it’s got to be low carb, or both. Maybe focus on getting enough protein and see where that takes you.
9) Low nutrition or low nutrients.
just not having enough real food. And, you know, having a lot of processed food foods in a box foods that are just easy to consume, easy to digest, they are not real foods. And that’s a problem too, right is, you know, not having real foods your metabolism is built for, you know, extracting nutrients. And if you don’t have enough nutrition, obviously, your body can’t be really focused on burning fat and building muscle. So look, and it is highly possible, right? In a land of diets and dieting, and fake foods and meal replacements and all of that it is easy to get sidetracked and really, you know, am I getting enough real food across all of my meals.
10) Lack of muscle and declining muscle mass.
This is a big one. If you are a woman 40 and over and you do not strength train, listen to me. It is time to start strength training. I know it might seem overwhelming or daunting, or maybe you used to do it and you got out of the habit. It doesn’t have to be every day. In fact, if you’re doing zero strength training, I don’t want you to do it every day. If you do you will be overly sore, you could get hurt or you’re just not going to love it. I would probably start with two days a week for 10 or 15 minutes to get started. Whether it’s something you do at home with a YouTube video or you go to a gym. I think there is some benefit.
If you know nothing about strength training, go to a class. Get somebody to help you. I am a person who’s not big on YouTube tutorials. I think there’s probably a lot of stuff on YouTube. If you want to learn how to strength train, and you’re somebody who likes to learn in that fashion, it is available. Or if you want to know how to do an overhead press or a stiff legged deadlift or a proper bicep curl. It’s all out there. I’m somebody who’s much more hands on. I have to see it and do it and repeat it. Have someone show it to me and then I learn on my own.
However you like to learn, I am telling you that strength training will be the fountain of youth. If there is one thing that you take from today is strength training and more is not better. Better is better, better strength training. More quality doesn’t have to be faster. It doesn’t have to be harder. It doesn’t have to be beastmode. It doesn’t have to be pretty. It doesn’t have to be sexy. It doesn’t have to be Instagram worthy. You don’t have to take any photos of it unless you want to. You don’t need a special outfit. You don’t need special shoes. You just need to lift weights, you need to move weight.
If you have one pound weights and that’s where you’re starting, great. Eventually you’ll get the five pound weights. Then seven and a half pound ones. Then the 10s etc and so forth. You’re going to keep progressing as long as you keep doing it.
I am telling you if you feel like your mature ableism is a problem, that’s part of the gap here from what you want is that fat loss and where you want to be as somebody who is lean and has visible muscle mass, or is toned. Many women will use the word toned, which means that you actually have to have muscle mass. The more we diet and the harder we diet and the more we push our foot on the gas, the muscle mass that you have.
A lot of times people have this idea that they have to build up a lot of muscle before they work on losing body fat. That’s not exactly true. Unless you’re a top level athlete, you’re a stage competitor. For most women, you can be building muscle and losing body fat. It’s not going to be like every single day, 50% of my time is spent building muscle and 50% of my time is burning fat. It’s this idea that your body is working synergistically, working together, when we don’t try to over diet and overtrain.
Yes, as we get older, it is true that your caloric needs might decline. The reason your caloric needs might decline is from lack of muscle mass, declining sex hormones, estrogen, testosterone, progesterone. DHEA. That’s all part of the package.
One of the things that you can do to help age-related metabolic decline is to strength train and not worry so much. Our chronological age is more important than our biological age, if that makes sense. You can see 10 women who are all the same age and they can look drastically different depending on their lifestyle.
- Do they strength train?
- Do they eat lots of nutrients?
- Do they sleep seven hours a night?
- Do they drink water?
- Do they walk?
- What’s their lifestyle like?
You can tell a lot. Doesn’t matter the actual chronological age.
12) Perimenopause and menopause are inevitable.
Even if you went down the route of hormone replacement therapy. Hormone Replacement Therapy is not to keep you menstruating till the end of time. That is not it at all. It is just to balance out and preserve your muscle mass and your metabolism by making sure your hormones aren’t completely tanked. There are a lot of different factors with your metabolism.
It’s easy to say;
- My metabolism is drunk.
- It’s my metabolism’s fault.
- My metabolism is broken.
But we want to drill down and find out what exactly is happening.
For a lot of women, myself included, what keeps coming up is the yo yo dieting. The lose the weight, and then gain the weight and lose it and gain it and lose it and gain it. I find that not only from a metabolic perspective is that, really it’s very hard on your body but it’s really hard on your mind.
That’s where the mindset part comes in. When we get to this place, weight loss is hard and I can’t keep the weight loss. I have to restrict so much and it will be so hard. I can’t do it again. Only this way works. We recreate a lot of stories that come into it. If this is you, where you’re like, ah, there’s something here, there is something about my metabolism. I can see that I have to pay more attention to the quality of food or the protein or the strength training. Also, stopping the yo yo dieting. I don’t want to do that anymore.
One of the things you can look at to not go into that paradigm of yo yo dieting is really this all or nothing thinking. It’s either I’m losing weight and restricting, restricting, restricting, or I’m gaining weight and I’m not restricting. What is meeting in the middle there? Where it is a I lead a lifestyle where I eat for my goals and I don’t become so obsessed and take away all of the food and overtraining. I go into this mode where I have to lose weight and I have to lose it rapidly. That’s where the work is for a lot of women who want to lose weight. They want the weight loss, they want the fat loss, but they just haven’t achieved that.
Achieving weight loss is not like winning a trophy. Once you have the true trophy, it’s yours forever. It is about now what do I do? What is the next step if I’m losing weight, or I’ve lost the weight? Where do I go from here? I think that’s where I add value. That’s why I created Self Made, for the women who not only want to lose weight but want to keep it off. We are going to have to learn the mindset pieces that sometimes get in our way and we start to slide back when something comes up. We have a social event or we have a vacation or we have a job loss or somebody in our family passes away. Things do happen that are outside of our metabolism, but obviously affect the way we eat or the way we show up in life. They affect how many times we go to the gym or how we really do take care of ourselves.
It would be wonderful if we could completely extract our mindset and take our brains completely out of weight loss. It would be great.Iit would be much clearer because sometimes mindset and weight loss is like once I have one big aha, there’s many more big ahas to come. It’s like opening the next door and then the next door. One of the analogies I use is pulling the thread on the sweater and hoping to God it doesn’t completely unravel. It’s just like wow, this is another thread and another thread and another thread. We can get really caught up in our backstory and what has happened in the past and what’s in my way of weight loss and all of the obstacles.
I have this perfectionism and you know people pleasing we can get down there but at the end of the day let’s look here. Is there anything physically that is keeping you from weight loss? Because I think once we tweak some things, we solve some things, we get some hormone testing or we get some supplements on board, we figure out your digestive issues. We can get some sleep then things become a little bit more clear. You can have a different mindset once we clear some of this up.
ABOUT THE HOST
Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.
Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on.
Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience. Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.
By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.
Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you u****k your diet brain. She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.
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