Female Fat Loss Over 40 (Part 2)

by | Feb 20, 2024

Today is part two of Female Fat Loss for Women Over 40. 

If you’re a woman over 40, is fat loss;

  • Difficult? 
  • Hard? 
  • Harder? 
  • Impossible? 

It’s just different.

The reason is, your hormones are changing. Now the interesting part is that all women are going to go through menopause, all of us are going in that direction. As long as you live, you’re going to have hormonal changes. I’ve had clients who go through early menopause 39, 40, 41. I have clients who are 55, 56, and still getting regular periods. So there’s not a one size fits all approach. Not everybody is experiencing the same things at the same time. 

I’m guessing you have probably already noticed differences like the way you went about losing weight when you were 20, or 30 years old, doesn’t work right now. It’s not because it was more magical back then. The difference is that your body is different for a number of reasons. Your hormones, the ones that help you burn fat, estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, DHEA, those things are generally in decline. 

Things could happen along the way. When we’re in our 20s and 30s, especially if you have gained and lost weight multiple times, over and over. Or you do a lot of dieting over and over and over. Maybe you’re not that consistent with your strength training. What is happening is we are decreasing our overall muscle, so we are slowing down and lowering our overall metabolic rate, combined with this lowering of our hormonal state. We are going to have a harder time losing body fat, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed. It doesn’t mean you should give up, why bother? 

What is generally happening for women is that we get impatient. 

We get on the scale and if after a few days, or even a few weeks, we don’t have unbelievable results, we just go into the no f*ckit mode. We give up and we think;

  • It’s not working 
  • We have to eat less 
  • Workout more 
  • I need a cheat day 

All of these things that just take us away from being consistent.

Consistency isn’t three days, consistency isn’t Monday through Friday, consistency is not two weeks of whatever, it’s the long term game. If you’re going to play the long game, you’re going to have to have a change in your mindset. It’s not like you have to change everything about yourself. You’re wrong, you’re stupid, we have to rewire your brain, you need a lobotomy. I get it. Sometimes we’re like, what is wrong with me? But it’s not your fault. We live in a diet world and a quick fix world and Amazon Prime world. A couple of weeks ago, I got supplements within seven hours from Amazon Prime. Like okay, cool. I love this, but that’s just not the real world when it comes to fat loss. 

While it’s not your fault, it is your responsibility. There I said it. I want to lose weight. I want to keep it off. I want toned arms or good booty or to fit into my jeans. I want all these things, but you have to be willing to do something about it. I know. Wow. I hear Yeah. I am just as easily talking to myself as I am to you. 

Go back and listen to Female Fat Loss for Women Over 40, Part One if you have not already done that. This is part two, this is more on the mindset stuff. Part one was more about the calories, the sleep, those things that I think our brains always go to. What should I eat? How much should I eat? When should I eat? When should I not eat? Tell me, tell me if this food is good or that food is good, or should I take out this, or is my problem. All of that stuff is just our brain thinking that we’re missing the one thing. The one supplement, the one magic shot. 

Speaking of the magic shot, Self Made, is a great program for all women 39 and over who want to lose weight and keep it off. Even if you’re already taking some type of weight loss drug. Because here’s the deal, you still have to figure out the root cause of why you had gained weight in the first place. I would love to say that just taking a shot is going to be the end all be all. It could definitely help you lose weight, it could help your A1C come back into line. I think there’s a lot of upside to that help. But I have spoken to many women who, the weight loss stopped, or they started falling back into old habits. You still want to get ahead of why you might have eaten or be eating or resort to food and drink when you’re tired, lonely, stressed out, feel rejected, feel unappreciated, feel unheard, or just want to create joy in your mouth. 

I love a good top 10 list, I had 20. Since this is Part 2, we will start with number 11. 

11) Figure out why you’re eating if you’re not hungry. 

This is a very big one and you can do this in a number of ways. The first thing you would have to know is that you need to recognize that you are eating when you’re not hungry. You might need the awareness first. I think sometimes with habitual eating or mindless eating, we’re kind of like sleepwalking, we’re just going through the motions. We’re unaware that as I pass by the candy jar or the cookie jar or the refrigerator or the pantry or the leftovers or what have you that I’m just putting something in my mouth. The bites, the licks, the tastes, we need the awareness around that.

We need to be able to pause just long enough to ask, what kind of hunger is this? You could also ask, what do I really need right now? Or what am I hungry for? This answer is not Peanut M&M’s. The answer is more like, what is the problem here? What are you feeling? How or why are you looking to eat when you are not physically hungry? 

Here’s the good news. What if you are physically hungry? Totally different game, then think about eating a meal. Even if it’s a small meal. What is the protein? What is the carbohydrate or the fat or the vegetable? What do we eat to satisfy our true hunger? But mostly when somebody has weight to lose? It’s not because they’re eating only when they’re hungry. 

A little asterisk here. I’m not saying that you are me, all of us, we should only eat when we’re hungry. You should only eat when you’re hungry. No, I mean I get it, food is pleasurable. There’s going to be times that you’re going to eat dessert or you’re going to eat more than you’re actually hungry for because you’re enjoying a special meal. But when we do that all the time, we are going to take in more calories than we actually need.

12) Take it one day at a time. 

I think the biggest issue is that we get all on these kicks. Welcome to January, we’re gonna get into a meal planning kick and a prep kick. I have to plan out the whole week and the whole month. I’m going to do all my planning right now for the whole entire week. I need to know everything I’m going to eat and have it all pre portioned in beautiful glass containers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

That can just derail us more than just planning for the day ahead of us. As soon as I got up my refrigerator broke, or it was a snowstorm, and I’m snowed in, or I have to go away on an urgent trip, or my dog is at the vet, or my kids are sick or blog, COVID, whatever, something is coming. It’s real life. Just plan for the day. I don’t care what you’re eating in five days. What are we doing today? That is actually doable. 

We start trying to get the perfect meal plan and what I should be eating, but what about today? What is on your schedule? Where do you have to be? Are there zoom calls? Is there a conference call? Is there a pickup at school? Is there an assembly? Look at your calendar, and plan for the day. Stop overwhelming yourself with this whole, for the next seven days I’m going to cook, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Until you get a flat tire number.

13. Be willing to assess and reassess daily, weekly, monthly, etc. 

What our brain wants to do is judge;

  • that was terrible, 
  • you did a bad job,
  • that didn’t work, 
  • this didn’t work, 
  • you’ll never figure it out. 
  • that’s a mistake, 
  • take away more food. 

Part of why weight loss over 40 gets a little tricky is that our hormones are in decline and our stress levels are going to be harder to handle. If you want to have weight loss, and you want to be able to keep it off, and you want to do it in a sane way then we are going to have to notice dips with cortisol and insulin. We want to take care of that through making sure we have enough protein, eating at regular intervals, not drinking caffeine all day, not staying up all night, not doing ridiculous fad diets that slash all these calories.

I had somebody tell me that the diet that they used over and over and over and over again was 1000 calories, and exercising like five or six days a week. She was a woman a lot like myself in menopause, 54 years old. I explained to her that it would be a weight loss diet, that 1000 calories would work, but you will be burning off all your muscle. Then every time you regain weight, you’re probably regaining just body fat. So you’re actually getting fatter and your metabolism is slowing down. Then you do it again and again and again and again. 

When you’re in your 50s or 60s and you’re in menopause, guess what? Muscle isn’t coming back fast. It’s not like when you were 18 years old, or 25 years old, or 30 years old, or 40 years old. It’s slowing down, so you need to protect that muscle. 

Reassessing is really just about looking at the data. 

  • What do I have? 
  • I have a food journal. 
  • I have my workout calendar.
  • I have some way to see the plan I made. 
  • I stick to my plan. 
  • What worked? 
  • What is working? 
  • What is good? 
  • What is good in my life? 
  • What am I doing towards my goals? 

Give yourself some credit.

When I say assess, I really mean what is going well? Always start there because it’s very easy to find all these things are going wrong. This is wrong, that’s wrong. This is a problem that our brains just go negative. We have to get in front of that train. Find the things that are going well, write those down. What is not going so well? What could I or would I do differently for tomorrow or for the upcoming week? It’s all just gradients. It doesn’t have to be drastic. 

If I got on the scale and it went up, yet I followed my plan and I drank water. I had great sleep, I worked out, all these things, I don’t have to just slash away calories. When I have evidence that says I’m following my plan. I feel good. I feel rested. I can see muscle definition or what have you. We’re not always looking at the scale to be the arbiter and be the assessor. The scale is the assessment and it’s not. 

There are other ways for you to assess and that really is just sitting down, even just a couple minutes, and taking a look to see. 

  • Did you drink the water? 
  • Did you get any sleep? 
  • Did you go for a walk? 
  • How many steps did you get? 
  • Did you plan your food? 
  • Did you eat enough protein?

Just look for the basics.

Don’t use the scale to throw you off, to change your plans, or to be the one to give you the feedback. The scale is not a person. If it was a person, it would be the biggest, bitchiest most horrible person. The scale would be the toxic friend that you would have to get away from. We give the scale, all the power. We create that toxic voice. We are the ones speaking to ourselves through the scale. We make the scale number mean something about ourselves, but that is not the assessment. 

14) Have written measurable goals. 

I talk to women all the time. If you’re one of the women I’ve spoken to, thank you. So nice to chat with you inside my free group, or through direct message or an email. Obviously, if you get emails or messages and you have questions, please ask me. 

I always ask, what are your goals? What specifically are you looking to do? A lot of people just say, I want to be healthier? I just want to be strong and healthy. Okay, what does that mean? That’s so ambiguous. It’s not going to get you anywhere. It’s just not. It’s fluffy. It’s amorphous. It’s a nothing burger. 

Listen to me, if you want to Unf*ck Your Weight Loss, you’re going to have to be more specific. With or without a scale. I don’t care if you have a scale or you don’t have a scale. If you want to use the scale. If you want to say I want to lose 50 pounds. At least that’s more specific, then I want to be stronger. I want to be healthier. What does that mean? Healthier than what? I want to push you on this. 

If you’re unsure of what you want, get out a piece of paper. At the top of the piece of paper, write everything I want. Seriously, everything, all of it. Whether it’s about your weight, your health, your looks, the clothes, or how you feel when you walk into a room. Draw a picture of yourself. What kind of woman do you want to be?

It’s really easy at night to eat cheeses and drink wine and eat cookies and not go to sleep and do the bullshit you do. We’re not driving anywhere. It’s like getting in the car. And really where do you want to go? I don’t know, I want to drive around. Well, we’re not going to drive around. Gas is expensive. It’s getting dark out. My astigmatism makes it hard to see it and I don’t like to drive at night. 

Seriously, you’re just chasing your tail. We’re just playing a game and you’re not going anywhere. I can’t help you. You can’t help you. Whether I help you or not, you can’t help yourself with I want to be stronger and healthier. 

If you want to start there, then ask yourself, 

  • What does that mean? 
  • What does that look like? 
  • What does that feel like? 
  • How will you know that you’re stronger? 
  • How will you know that you’re healthier? 
  • Are we looking at actual health markers? 
  • Are you tracking a cholesterol number? 
  • Is your blood pressure too high?

Be specific.

15) If you do suspect a metabolic problem, then you want to solve that. 

One way to start without lab work is to focus on sleep, gut health, and three meals a day. For female fat loss over 40, I’m a proponent of lab work. The only issue is, of course, most of our physicians. I know, I’ve gone down this road before. The average doctor, your average primary care, your average endocrinologist, your average OBGYN, is not going to give you much lab work to look at. They’re probably going to do the bare minimum. 

They’ll do a CBC. They’ll make sure this person’s white blood cell, red blood cell, there’s nothing that’s really off base. They call that the metabolic panel. The complete blood cell, the CBC, is what it’s called, basic stuff.

If they test your thyroid it is just the TSH. They’ll probably be happy to test your cholesterol. Sometimes you have to ask for your D3, your A1C. You’re going to have to ask for more complete thyroid testing, they’re definitely not going to test your free testosterone. Unless you’re going to go to somebody who works with bioidentical hormones. 

I’m not going down that road right now about what to look for. I do think if you’re over 40, or over 50, and you are having symptoms of hormonal changes where you’re noticing, 

  • I don’t have a lot of energy, 
  • I’m tired, 
  • I’m moody, 
  • My skin is dry,
  • Vaginal dryness. 
  • You don’t have a sex drive,
  • You don’t have any drive, 
  • You’re noticing lack of muscle, 
  • You’re noticing body fat accumulated in your middle, 
  • You have hot flashes, 
  • You have night sweats, 
  • You just aren’t feeling like yourself,

That would be a reason to go get some lab work.

Without lab work, if you’re not ready to start down that road or not sure what steps to take, there are some things to do. Obviously, cleaning up your nutrition will really help you feel better. If I’m eating Cracker Jacks all day, I’m probably going to have night sweats and hot flashes and feel like shit. I mean, let’s be honest, my blood sugar is probably all over the place. Which is affecting my cortisol, which is affecting my testosterone. It’s just not going to feel good. 

If I don’t,

  • Eat well,
  • Have high quality food, 
  • Have protein, 
  • Have vegetables, 
  • Drink enough water, 
  • Have the basics nailed down, 

I’m obviously not going to feel good. 

It’s really hard to go to your doctor and be like, I don’t feel good. Then they’re going to ask you what you eat, or what you do for steps, exercise, working out and you’re like nothing. Well leave the doctor’s office and come back here. Let’s just focus on some basics. I think sleep is a huge one. Getting to bed, having a whole routine, making sure your bedroom is set up. 

Focusing on sleep, focusing on gut health. It’s pretty easy to go ahead and try some probiotics. It’s pretty easy to tune into, am I having regular bowel movements? Do I have diarrhea? Am I constipated? What is going on with my gut? Do I suspect something is going on? We can work on that.

Sleep, gut health, and eating meals with protein. Specifically, three or four meals a day. Work on consistency there. You might already notice a lot of changes, you might feel better, more energetic, less sluggish, you might feel that you’re actually getting that nutrition, that you have an appetite and that you can actually focus and function without a ton of caffeine. Nailing some of the basics. 

As a side note on blood work/lab work, some hormones are better tested with saliva or urine. Here’s the thing too, with hormones, or something metabolic that is happening with you. That is not a quick fix. It does take time to narrow down what is not balanced and how we get it into balance. It’s not a one size fits all. Most physicians who work in the space of bioidentical hormones, and they’re good at their job, they realize this. They’re not going to be like, here’s 3000 different things you’re going to do today and all these changes we’re going to make. We have to start somewhere. 

You don’t want to necessarily take a shotgun approach and try all the things all at once. I found what’s wrong with me and I’m taking all these hormones and it’s going to be fixed. I’ve worked with 1000s of women. Many clients, even currently, are like I’m taking hormones, and they have the expectation like this is going to fix it. Is this going to fix me? I discovered what is wrong with me. 

Here’s the thing. It’s like decluttering your house. Look how messy that drawer is, I’m going to fix it up. It’s kind of like weight loss, you don’t do all the things to lose the weight, the number on the scale appears and then you stay there. It’s a constant, your hormones are constantly changing from day to day, from moment to moment from stressful situation to stressful situation. It takes time to get that in line. If you want to get it in line, you have to take the actions to do that, things don’t happen by waiting. 

16) We all have mindset issues. 

Our minds are negative, lazy, and greedy when left to their own survival instincts. That is the truth. I am not sitting here thinking all of you are so messed up in the mind. No, I have a podcast called Unf*ck Your Weight Loss because I get it. I have had all of the mind drama around food, carbs, fat, calories, dieting, weight loss and the scale. Anything you can tell me, anything you’ve said, anything you’ve done, anything you’ve tried, I’m sure I have to. You’re not alone. 

The human brain is designed for that negative bias. It’s a survival instinct. Our brains are constantly scanning the horizon for what’s going to go wrong. Speaking of the negative, I had somebody telling me, I’m getting closer to wanting help Barney, except I just don’t want to pay for something that’s not going to work. I was like, of course not. I get it. I don’t want to pay for something that’s not going to work. Nobody does. That’s more of a mindset thing. That’s a belief issue. 

I have a belief issue that,

  • I can’t lose weight, 
  • I will make a bad decision,
  • I won’t be able to follow the diet,
  • I won’t do the work in order to change what I want to change. 

I bring that up because I get it. 

I’ve spent 10s of 1000s, hundreds of 1000s of dollars in my journey to where I am right now. It wasn’t all wins. It wasn’t all well planned out, but I knew what I wanted. I still invest in myself. I still have coaches, I still have coaching, I still am going through the process. Don’t give up on yourself and don’t be down on yourself when you notice that your brain is doing brain things. 

I have a saying that a lot of my friends, my teammates, my staff, they like the saying because it’s so true. “People do people things.” The reason that people do people things is that people have human brains. 

Human brains do human brain things, which are, 

  • Look for problems, 
  • Be resistant to change, 
  • Stick to what’s always worked in the past, 
  • Always try to replicate the easy way. 
  • Take the shortcut, 
  • Do the least amount of work. 

That’s just how our brains are built. 

It does take time to think about things differently, to show up for yourself differently, and to make lasting change. If it was just a flip of a light switch, we would all be young forever, rich, beautiful, have 10 million boyfriends, all of them that look like Tom Selleck. But that’s just not the case. We are all humans with crappy mindsets sometimes. 

The reality is you can lose weight with a shitty mindset. Absolutely. Does it make it harder? It does, but you can. I’ve said this before, I’m not Susie sunshine over here. I’m a generally negative person. I am always playing devil’s advocate. I poke holes in a lot of things. I am quick to say no. I’m quick to get pissed about things but also quick to forget about it. I have to work on my mindset all the time. Everyone does. 

Everybody who wants that next level in your life, who wants to lose weight and keep it off, who wants change or if you’re trying to build a business or a relationship or something for your future self. It’s gonna take time. You don’t lose weight and keep it off without work. You don’t change your mindset without constant work. 

17) No one else has to be on your side but you.

It does not matter what your family, your spouse, your parents, your co workers, your neighbor, your sixth cousin, doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. Doesn’t matter what they do, or what they say. Because guess what, you can’t control them anyway, who cares? You have to let other people do other people things. You have to have your own back. 

You have to like your reasons for why you want to lose weight and keep it off. You have to hold yourself accountable for your goals for what you want. Stop looking around at other people.

I don’t care if your kids are picky eaters. They’ll figure it out. You’ll figure it out. We can all eat different things at the table. We can. No one else has to be on your side. But do you even have your own back? I would start there. If you don’t have your own back, you don’t feel convicted about who you are and what you want and where you’re going. Why would anybody else? Let’s put up a little one of those signs like you for president. I vote for you. 

18) Basic cooking for weight loss is not hard. 

If you don’t want to cook, then that is a whole other topic. There are so many options to have meals delivered or purchased. You’re going to pay one way or the other. This is really about food prep and how this comes to be an obstacle. I don’t have time. I don’t have time for food prep. I don’t like food prep. I’m a picky eater. Bla bla bla bla bla, okay. 

We have to eat, we’re humans. We have to eat something. Whether you drink protein shakes all day, or you eat purse chicken out of your briefcase, I don’t care. You eat protein bars all day. You are going to eat, so figure out what is the easiest way for you to get what you need. Is it, every Wednesday I buy three salads at Panera? I have one for Wednesday night dinner and two for Thursday. Is it that you do a meal delivery service in your area? I don’t know. I have listeners all over the world now, which is insane. 

You have places that do meal delivery. In my area in Massachusetts, there’s a company called Feast and Federal. They’re not necessarily low calorie or carb conscious or whatever, they are just regular food. But I’m lazy. I order salads, steak tips, burgers, pre pre-made stuff. Not all the time. Probably once a month, I’ll order from them. I’ll have enough food for five, six, or seven days. It is just for me. 

Sometimes I order stuff from my family. They have pulled pork sliders, for example. My family likes pulled pork sliders. I really don’t love it either way. I mean, I guess I could eat it, but I get things for them as well. I have tried every meal. I’ve tried to think of a meal plan or meal prep company. All different kinds of things that arrive to you fresh, things that arrive frozen. I’ve done it all. Why not try some of these things? Even if you get a couple meals or a couple days worth of meals or you just do basic cooking and you just understand that sometimes food is just food. 

Then when we want to go out with our friends or out for our birthday, or go to your favorite pizza place, we go get a party in your mouth. But for regular day-to -day stuff. Is it okay that I have salad with chicken? Is it okay that I have a sandwich? Is it okay that I have a protein bar? Is it kind of boring and the same shit all the time? Yeah, most of us eat the same things over and over and over and over. We just do. If you like a particular type of protein bar or you are really into ground turkey and you want to make tacos and you want to put ground turkey over spaghetti squash or with zoodles or you like it with rice or whatever. There’s not one way to lose weight. 

The way not to lose weight is to try to cut too many calories, to be overly hungry, to be stress eating, to walk in the door after work and just start eating all the way through dinner and all night long and sit on the couch and treat yourself. That’s the stuff that’s getting in your way. The other stuff like how to eat for weight loss, it’s honestly not that hard. When we’re over 40, trying to cut too many calories, not preserving and conserving muscle mass, going really long distances without eating is very stressful to our body. A lot of women are doing those intermittent fasting windows that are not conducive to your hormonal state. If you’re already taking bioidentical hormones, you probably aren’t noticing that effect but a lot of women over 40 are trying to fast their way to permanent weight loss and it does not work. 

Get some basic cooking skills. I mean, I am not a good cook, but I can cook. I’m lazy and I like to eat, so I have to figure it out. It could be really basic. Don’t let this idea of I get bored, I need variety to throw you off track. I’m picky, so what are the things that you like? 

Going back to our brains. Of course, we’re picky. Our brain is finding all the reasons why this won’t work or that won’t work or I can’t lose weight, because I’m picky. Sorry, but let’s call that a story. It’s just your mind. It’s just brain BS, essentially. This is why I can’t lose weight because I’m picky. You’re not special. Lots of people are picky. It’s called having preferences. It’s okay to like certain things. It’s okay to not like certain things. Don’t eat the things that you don’t like, that is a weight loss tip for you right there. 

19) Own your environment. 

That goes for all environments, like your social media feed, your bedside table, your bedroom, your kitchen, your cubicle, wherever you are. Wherever you go. How could you make your environment more conducive to your goals, your weight loss, feeling excited and motivated? How could it be more in line with who you want to be? Are you bringing it into your kitchen? To your pantry, to your refrigerator? A bunch of junk? Are you not taking control of your friends circle? Are you hanging out with people that aren’t going in the same direction that you are? Do they just want to drink and smoke and eat french fries all weekend? And you kind of think hmm, maybe I’d rather find some friends from the gym. That’s up to you. That’s your environment. 

It’s really hard to rise above an environment of people or things that are not set up for where you’re going. Sometimes that’s a hard truth. But it is true. If you’re not where you want to be, there’s no one but you to blame. That is a big part of weight loss or a change in your level of fitness or health or wellness or wellbeing if we do sometimes come to a place where we realize, I might have outgrown a relationship. I might have outgrown this friend circle. I might have outgrown these hobbies, I might have outgrown this job, I might have outgrown living in the desert, I want to live by the beach or what have you. 

Not everything can be changed all at once but there are some things that you do have control over. You can say yes to and you can say no to. Most women that I know are in charge of the foods that come into the house. If you’re buying it for someone else, I’d really question, do they need it? Do they need to have all that candy? Do they need to have those cookies? That ice cream and that wine? Is it just easier for right now, as you’re learning? How to say, no, thank you? How to say I’m not hungry? As you’re practicing some of that, is it easier to not have that in your house? 

We’re not gonna be able to avoid difficult situations our entire life. This isn’t about locking yourself up in some kind of pristine gym with no snacks. That’s like going to the fat farm. I’ve had people tell me that too. I need a lobotomy and I have to go to the fat farm. We’re not going to have an ideal situation. We’re always going to be surrounded by food or drinks or other people that we might not agree with or might not like. But in your own home in your own spaces, your environment, what are you choosing and what are you not choosing? Take responsibility for it. 

20) Figure out what thoughts or feelings are tripping your trigger. 

This is going back really to where we started, which is what are you really hungry for? If you look back over the course of a normal day in your life we start to notice trends. It becomes very predictable. For a lot of my clients, it’s when they get home. They get home at four o’clock or five o’clock. It’s after a busy day. They got up early, they got the kids ready or they got out the door. They traveled. They had a lot of meetings. They were in their car. They were busy. No, they were too busy to eat. 

They’re going a mile a minute,making a lot of decisions, they get home, and that transition from doing a million things and having a million to do, work still isn’t done and you’re on the phone or you’re trying to navigate traffic or pickup or whatever. Sometimes that transition into your house is like, now I realize how hungry I am, or how tired I am or thank God the day is over or sh*t the days not over. I still have more work to do and the house is a mess, the dog took a crap in the kitchen or wherever they did. You come in and there’s no more problems.

Something didn’t go right, somebody left something out, or dinner isn’t ready, and I’m starving. There’s something that is happening. Either situationally, coming into a messy house, or not leaving the office at the office, or just these thoughts of, I’m so tired, I deserve a break, I’m starving, I didn’t have any time for myself, I have more work to do. Find the thought, find the feeling. 

Maybe it’s just a feeling of exhaustion or dread or overwhelm, find out what is tripping your trigger to eating. To start

  • Opening the cheese,
  • Pouring the wine, 
  • Eating the cookies, 
  • Snacking all through dinner, 
  • Getting more food, 
  • Sitting on the couch or at the counter
  • Scrolling social media
  • Playing games,
  • Eating when you’re not hungry. 

Sometimes when you are overly hungry and you have this burning desire, a real true urgency to eat, your blood sugar is dropping. You’re getting hangry, that’s all real. It’s hard. It’s not as soon as you start eating that you immediately feel better. It takes 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes of having to eat and letting your blood sugar come back up. What happens is that we can just keep eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and my blood sugar might go up higher than I needed to or go up and come back down. Then I go get the brownies or the popcorn or what have you. 

Take a couple minutes. Think about what is happening on most days. Or is it a weekend thing? Is it only for work events? Is it about your home or your kids? Is it a vacation? Is it something that happens at work? Figure out what is tripping your trigger. What is it? We can’t always change the who. We can’t make other people go away. But we can figure out what are the thoughts and the feelings that are driving us to eat when we are not physically hungry, we are emotionally hungry. We are looking to create joy or looking to get away from some type of negative feelings. That’s what we’re trying to figure out.

When you can figure that out, you start to master permanent weight loss and specifically fat loss because just making the scale go down, although that’s fun and it gives us a big hit of dopamine, we want to lose body fat. We want to keep our metabolic rate as high as it can be because as we age, we’re gonna have a harder time building and keeping that muscle mass. Think about building and maintaining that muscle mass as currency and keeping a full bank account of that will help you keep the weight off. 


Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.

Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on.

Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience. Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.

By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.

Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you u****k your diet brain. She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.

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