One of the things I think that happens in weight loss and in life is that we think we don’t know enough. We need to know more so we go collect more recipes, research more science about calories, or look at more theories and strategies.
I want you to take action.
When we take action, then we can stop being so confused. Confusion is a feeling. It feels like being stuck or overwhelmed. It’s not helpful.
I want to tell you that it is normal to be confused. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re not a bad person. You’re not stupid.
On a regular basis my brain offers to me, I’m confused. I don’t know this. I don’t know that. What is happening? I have to coach myself through that. I have to figure out what to do now.
I think a confused weight loss consumer is someone who will potentially buy,
- SlimFast shakes,
- The special booty bands,
- This gizmo,
- That pill,
- This quick fix.
All that stuff.
When we can feel less confused and have more clarity we don’t feel like we have to try all the things, go down all the roads, and fall into all the rabbit holes of the internet or social media. As someone who’s been to all of those places, I know. Sometimes you feel like aha, I finally figured it out. I had lots of aha moments that were duds. Not to say that I know it all, or that any one person knows it all, but I will tell you that when you want to lose weight we want to also get to a place where we’re not constantly feeling confused. Constantly feeling overwhelmed or stuck because I feel like that’s a place of no action.
I’ve identified three things to help you become less confused and more certain, assured, and confident.
We all want to be more empowered in our weight loss journey and in our life.
Ultimately, I created Self Made. I don’t think that’s a new thing for you to hear about. I have a coaching program called Self Made. I’d love for you to be part of it because it is about going from that confused, struggling, stuck “dieter” to an empowered, confident, assured, and certain woman. Also a badass. You know, bomb.com. However you want to identify the not stuck, confused and struggling version of yourself, if that makes sense.
In life, not every single day is 100% confident and 0% confused. We can move in and out of these spaces at any given time. I think the problem is when you don’t know how to get out of being confused, overwhelmed, stuck and frustrated.
1) Decide to not be confused.
I know it’s crazy. It sounds so crazy to say it out loud, but I get it. Sometimes we choose confusion. We choose to be confused because if I’m confused then I’m not going to take action and I won’t make a wrong decision. Seriously, I know when you say it out loud it doesn’t make any sense.
Our brains are trying to protect us and keep us from failing. It’s a form of self sabotage when I choose to be confused. So let’s start at the very beginning.
Decide to not be confused when your brain offers you, I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s right. We want to just assure ourselves okay, maybe that’s not true. Maybe, I’m not confused. What do I know? And I’ll get more into that at number two.
I also want to tell you, there is no magic when it comes to weight loss. There is no one right way and everything you’re doing is wrong. It’s not that you’re missing the big aha or the one discovery that is keeping you from weight loss. I think it’s a lot of little things actually.
It does take intentionality, you will have to change at an identity level. If you want to lose weight and keep it off, this is really important, we have to decide to not be confused. We have to be very intentional about who we are and where we’re going. It is very hard to lose weight if we allow ourselves to be a victim of circumstance.
2) What thoughts are creating confusion for you?
I’m sure I’ve said it millions of times, the diet industry is to blame. The diet industry is the villain. The diet industry makes us think, XYZ. The diet industry makes me feel bad. The diet industry has it wrong.
I want to offer you, it is our own thoughts that create confusion. I could ask 10 people any question, even if we’re all looking at the same thing, and I’m gonna get 10 different answers.
- Why are you confused?
- What is confusing to you?
- What is what makes you feel stuck?
- Or that you’re struggling?
- Or that you don’t know the answer?
Then we’re going to challenge these thoughts.
Some of these are kind of common thoughts. Maybe it will help jog your mind, so to speak.
- I don’t know what to eat.
- I don’t know how to lose weight.
- I don’t know where to start.
- Someone just needs to tell me what to do. (That’s my favorite because I love telling people what to do.)
- I don’t know what will work for me.
- I have tried everything.
- I’m not sure I can be successful.
- I need to do more research.
- I don’t know enough.
- Maybe I’m wrong.
- What if it doesn’t work?
Maybe one or two or all of these things rang true for you at some point.
It’s funny when we talk about, what are you thinking? Or what were your thoughts? Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint, but these are things we think about all the time.
We just carry around this,
- I don’t know what to eat,
- I don’t know how to lose weight,
- Just tell me what to eat.
It isn’t helpful and it’s also not true.
If I was going to sit down with you, we would go through each one of those thoughts and find all the reasons why they’re not true. They’re not facts. If you brought that thought to the court of law view, you’d have to hire a really good lawyer and you would lose. You would just lose it.
I will tell you that you do know what to eat. You know the difference between a Twinkie and a piece of lettuce. You do. You have to give yourself some credit. You have to have your own back. You have to stand up for you. You do know some things. You’re not without a clue.
Could you know more? Perhaps. I mean I might not know how to fly a plane but I know how to book a flight. I don’t even know all the hacks to booking a flight. I don’t even know what time of year to get the best deal or how to use frequent flier miles.There are other things I do not know. I know enough to get me to where I want to go and that’s what I want to impart to you. You do know enough.
If we spend time trying to know more and collect more information, do more research, it leaves us feeling anxious, overwhelmed, paralyzed. You have to just draw the line in the sand and say, Okay, I probably have enough information here, this is not my first rodeo.
This is not my first time eating lunch, or looking to lose a couple pounds a week or a month. It is just a matter of deciding to not be confused and to really take control of your brain here. These are sh*tty thoughts. They make you feel powerless, and that’s not going to work.
I don’t have a perfect brain that only offers me really helpful thoughts. I have a lot of the same thoughts as you. I didn’t have to ask anyone else how they were feeling. I wrote those all down by myself.
Find the thoughts that are creating confusion for you. Put them on paper. Do not let them swirl around in your head and just create more brain clutter. It’s very hard to think straight, when you have a lot of unhelpful thoughts.
Get them on paper and then we can go through them.
- How is that true?
- How do I know it’s true?
- What if it’s not true?
- Who would I be without that thought?
- What could I think instead?
- Is this thought really helpful to me?
- What can I think about instead?
- Maybe I don’t know everything but I do know what to eat.
- Maybe I could know more but right now I know enough.
- I know enough to get started.
How about that? Baby steps.
It’s kind of like when people do affirmations and they want their affirmations to be like, I’m a millionaire. Your brain is going to reject some of these things where you’re like,
- I know everything.
- I’m perfect.
- I have this all wrapped up.
- I don’t need help.
- I’m beautiful and wonderful.
- Everybody loves me.
- Life is fantastic.
All these things.
They sound nice. I’m not opposed to it. But if your brain doesn’t believe it then this practice of affirmations isn’t going to last long. Sometimes you need those baby steps, those bridge thoughts, those latter thoughts.
Something that takes you from I don’t know enough to;
- I’m figuring out what works for me.
- I’m learning what works for me.
- I’m okay with starting where I’m at.
- I don’t need to know everything in order to get started on my weight loss.
It just takes time.
3) Look at the facts.
We’ve identified that we’re probably having some not helpful thoughts that are actually adding to our confusion that are keeping us stuck. I love to blame the diet industry. I’d love to put the blame on some keto coach or what have you. But ultimately, it is our thoughts.
Our thoughts that make us feel;
- Stressed out,
It’s our thoughts.
I’d love to say the diet industry made me do XYZ, but that’s not true. The diet industry doesn’t necessarily have what’s best for me in mind. The diet industry is an industry. They are there to make money. They’re not thinking about the consumer down the line. That’s okay. That’s my job. That’s your job. It’s our job to take care of ourselves.
Let’s look at the facts. Some of the things that come up when we’re confused are things like, I know what to do but I’m just not doing it. That, in and of itself, is sort of confusing. We’re creating this confusion in our own brain.
I know what to do, but I’m just not doing it. That is 100% just self sabotage. This makes sense. Self Sabotage, isn’t like, I don’t want to say. Self sabotage is you being stupid, or you’re a bad person, or you should know better. It’s like some kind of a genetic flaw or you’re just not good enough. Self sabotage is self protection. 100%. I’ve always believed that.
What are we afraid of? This could be where you figure out what feels unsafe to you about losing weight. Or they’re just more thoughts in there about, I’ll never be able to keep it off, or I don’t know what to do with getting attention from people. I don’t want anyone to see me. I mean, there could be something there.
You want to figure out if you’re self sabotaging yourself. Why? Because otherwise, we are adding to our own confusion. Imagine telling your kids okay, hey, listen, I know you know what to do, but you’re just not going to do it. Hey, I know, you know, basic math, but you shouldn’t do it. It makes no sense. We’re adding confusion on our own.
I also want to just insert this one thing, what if you don’t know everything? It’s okay. It’s okay not to know everything. Sometimes we think, I know what to do because I knew what to do in 1988. I know that my mother used SlimFast shakes, or I can find keto on Google so that must be what I should do. I know what to do.
What if maybe everything you think isn’t necessarily true?
We add to our own confusion, as a way of self protection. I can stay stuck with just this. I know what to do, but I’m just not doing it. What are you afraid of? What’s what’s under all of that? It might be something very simple. It doesn’t have to be deep or heavy or scary or traumatic, but you want to get really onto yourself, or you will stay confused.
I think a confused mind is not going to find success in their goals and ultimately, you came here because you wanted to unf*ck your weight loss.
This is how we’re going to do it. We do have to have a little bit of honesty with ourselves and figure out what’s really going on.
Maybe you don’t know what to do. We judge ourselves on that. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to get help. I think a lot of people who are successful, it’s simply because they allowed help in. As a coach, I get it. We think we should be able to do it. It shouldn’t be that hard.
I even had somebody comment to me once, I don’t think anybody should have to pay for weight loss. I’m like, well, that’s like saying nobody should have to pay for shoulder surgery. No one should have to pay to have their teeth cleaned. No one should have to pay getting their grass cut. I mean, you could make that argument but people do need help. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
I really tried to make weight loss, for myself and for my clients, as simple as possible. You’re gonna find the thoughts that are around that can’t be that simple. It can’t be that easy, but maybe it is.
I hope that you found something of value or of interest here today. If you are struggling with self sabotage, with not being able to get started, if you feel stuck, if you do feel confused, absolutely get help. There are lots of different ways to work with me, if you are interested.
NOTES IN ANCHOR
In today’s information age, we literally have all the information we could ever want at our fingertips. But that’s not necessarily a good thing when you are trying to lose weight. Here’s what I see happen… We think we don’t know enough.
So we go in search of more information that is supposed to help us make the right decision. We go collect more recipes, research more science about calories, or look at more theories and strategies regarding weight loss.
Before you know it…
We’re swimming in information and feeling paralyzed by all the options we have.
We’re left feeling frustrated because we just don’t know what is going to work.
And when the diet industry gets involved, we’re left feeling confused because they offer the quick fix, the magic pill, or the special gadget that will make all your weight loss dreams come true.
Except… SPOILER ALERT: they don’t…wamp wamp wamp….
So we just end up with even more confusion and still want to lose the weight. What if I told you that you could end that confusion and become the woman that loses weight and keeps it off? What if I told you that you could go from being a confused, struggling, stuck “dieter” to an empowered, confident, assured, and certain woman? You just need to end the weight loss confusion. Let’s get into that, and more, on episode 43 of Unf*ck Your Weight Loss!
ABOUT THE HOST
Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.
Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience.
Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.
By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.
Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you unf*ck your diet brain.
She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.
Connect with Bonnie:
Facebook Group- https://www.facebook.com/groups/707942356603835