Choose Your Hard

by | Mar 14, 2023

Choose your hard. You’ve probably seen this quote. Sometimes it’s just “choose your hard” and sometimes it’s this full quote. People post it on social media all the time. Maybe it inspires you. Maybe it doesn’t.

I like to take things and pull it apart, smash it into million pieces, call bullsh*t on it, and then put it back together the way I think it makes the most sense. I’m not opposed to choosing your hard. I think it’s interesting. 

I’m gonna read you the full quote and then, of course, you’re always free to come to your own decisions. Sometimes things that are inspiring to one person can be very triggering to another, and that’s a beautiful thing. I am neither inspired nor triggered. I guess I’m intrigued. 

So I’m going to read it to you. Here we go.

Here’s this quote, apparently by unknown.

“Choose your hard. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. 

Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. 

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. 

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard but we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.” 

Kind of reminds me of that quote. It’s like, “life is hard and then you die” or “life sucks and then you die.” Something like that, something terrible. 

This is all about extremes. 

Which is why I think I’m not inspired and I’m not motivated. I do think there was some truth in it that life is never going to be easy. I don’t think it will always be hard. I think there’s a lot of gray area between all of these things, right? 

Being married or being divorced. There’s a lot of gray area. Being obese or being fit, a lot of gray area in there. I think this needs some clarification. 

Here’s what I’ve learned, in two and a half years of Self Made, not including 25 years of coaching thousands and thousands of women. What I have found is that the brain is always going to choose, not what is necessarily easy, but what is familiar. 

Many women struggle because they choose things that are hard because they are familiar. 

It’s very hard to break the pattern of what is familiar, especially when it comes to weight loss, dieting, and working out. 

For many women, including me, it is very hard to do something different. It’s very hard to, “trust a new process.” It’s very hard to stop really restrictive dieting. 

When I look at my most successful clients, they were the ones who were able to not pick the hard thing. They were actually able to pick the easier way, which was the unfamiliar way. 

Choosing your hard is, I think, kind of a disservice. On the surface, it looks like hustle, grind, all of that sh*t. Kind of like the gym bro stuff. I think it is misleading. 

I think “choose your hard” is about choosing what is less familiar, in a lot of cases. 

All of my clients, especially when I look at Self Made, are all very successful women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond who have been great high achievers who’ve done so much. It’s not like you’re not smart enough to be successful, or you didn’t know any better or all this stuff. 

It really is sort of interesting for anyone, and I put myself in that same category, if all you know is dieting, especially restrictive dieting. If someone a couple of years ago told you that you should be at 1100 calories, and it was successful. Of course you’re going to believe, right? That’s what it takes to lose weight and anything other than that is the wrong way. 

Choosing your hard is really about figuring out where you need to put your energy, don’t just pick something that is hard. That doesn’t make any sense. 

Lots of people pick really hard diets. 99% of the women I talked to on the phone will tell me all of the things they’ve tried to lose weight. I want to tell you, they chose a lot of hard things, 

  • Intermittent fasting,
  • Fasting for 48 hours, 
  • Keto, 
  • Nutrisystem, 
  • Octavia

It’s a lot of hard things. Things that most of us don’t want to pick. Things that are really hard to sustain. 

Choosing your hard is really misleading.

I want to tell you, it doesn’t have to be that hard.  I should get a t-shirt that says “it doesn’t have to be that hard.” It doesn’t have to be that hard. Right? 

Our brain wants to make it hard, wants to make it complicated, thinks that weight loss is this puzzle we can’t figure out. Of course we have to do all of these crazy things…….but maybe we don’t. 

I’m looking at my most successful clients and I’m thinking, what do they have in common? Or what are some of the things that I noticed worked? I want to tell you, in all of the years and all of the women, these are all humans. Nobody’s 100% Perfect. Nobody is my one ideal client. I’m really thinking of a culmination of different women I’ve worked with. Some of them have had more measurable weight loss. Some of them have had more life and lifestyle improvement. 

We live in a social media world and everybody’s looking for the before and after. Everybody wants to see Susie lost 20 pounds and six inches off her waist. She’s so successful.

It’s very hard for me to say, Susie loves getting dressed in the morning. She plans her food and sticks to her plan. Her life has changed in ways I can’t show. I don’t have a before and after. I guess I can show her smiling.

Let me tell you a little bit about what I think are the things that will help you be successful in your weight loss. 

When I talk about my clients, I’m telling you about them so that you can see it’s not about working harder. It’s not about choosing hard at all. In fact, the more you think about it, and the more you talk about it, that’s just a load of crap. F*ck that. 

People, you’re already choosing hard. What if we just choose differently? Here’s what I’m thinking about when I think about clients. Some of it doesn’t sound that hard. 

1) Be willing. 

Be willing to do the unfamiliar, willing to consider other options. 

That sounds kind of all right, I’m willing. But are you? Are you really willing? 

I know for myself, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt, I’m making new t-shirts. I think I had a real love affair with diet and dieting. They were so familiar to me. They felt like home. 

When you’re so used to dieting, and especially restrictive dieting with lots of rules, not having those feels like being without any purpose. It feels like there’s no structure. It feels like you are the kite with no string, just floating away. 

I give people credit who want to work with me and are willing to try a different way. Are you willing? 

2) You do have to be coachable. 

I think a lot of us want to say that we’re coachable until our coach calls us out on our bullsh*t. I think you want that, to be honest. I don’t think you’re looking for a coach that just smiles at you and says, great, awesome. You’re doing awesome, exclamation point, smiley face. 

I think you really want a coach that’s;

  • Going to help you see your blind spots. 
  • One that asks you the tough questions. 
  • That holds space for the uncomfortable answers. 
  • One that keeps pushing you and challenging you.
  • Possibly even triggering you. 

I can’t be responsible, when you’re triggered. I don’t purposely try to trigger people. I just think that my magic talent is that I’m good at pushing buttons. I know that we don’t change and we don’t grow, if we don’t get challenged. 

Not all coaching is like that. Sometimes it’s just;

  • Listening,
  • Asking the questions,
  • Figuring out what it is that you want. 

As a coach, could I tell you what to do? What to eat? How to work out? All of the things. 100%. That’s what I did for decades. Then I was very confused and very frustrated when I saw clients gain back lost weight. I learned that I needed to expand my own knowledge in how to help people, not just lose weight, but keep it off. 

It’s not because it’s a new maintenance diet, but it is how to help people understand that long term weight loss isn’t just about calories in and calories out. 

It’s so much more than that. 

3) My most successful clients show up. 

  • They show up for themselves. 
  • They show up for group coaching calls. 
  • They book one on one appointments. 
  • They do their check-ins. 

I get it, I’m actually kind of an introverted person. I like my alone time. I guard my energy. 

I do have times where I am much more prolific. I put out more content. I’m more out there, more accessible. Checking in, communicating, conversing with my own clients in my own coaching groups. 

Then there’s time that I take for myself. That I shut things down. That I learned to rest, but ultimately, I show up, and you have to show up too. You have to be willing to show up, you can’t just sign up and say I want weight loss, but not show up. Even when it’s uncomfortable. 

I’m not saying show up from vacation or show up from your sick bed. I get it like there’s going to be times when we cannot show up or our families are going to take precedent. As you know, I have two girls. Like many people this season we had norovirus. My kids have a lot of dental problems because we have well water and there’s no fluoride. I’m spending a lot of time at the dentist. 

Show up for yourself. 

4) Let go of the past.

My most successful clients are willing to let go of the past and their former ways of thinking. Also their former ways of dieting and losing weight. That’s not necessarily easy. 

It really is about understanding and acknowledging that you might have a story;

  • About yourself, 
  • About your body, 
  • About your weight, 
  • About other people, 

and letting that go feels like the kite with no string.

  • Where will I go? 
  • What will happen to me? 
  • What if I let go of that story? 
  • Then who am I? 

That’s why we’re coaching you on that. We’re working on that future self. 

5) Be honest with yourself.

My most successful clients are honest with themselves. 

Radical acceptance and radical honesty isn’t about;

  • Judging yourself. 
  • Calling yourself out. 
  • Beating yourself up.
  • Finding fault with every little thing. 
  • Keeping a list of all of the things you did wrong. 

That’s not honesty.

It is just about saying, I’m struggling with this, or for whatever reason I can’t do XYZ. That’s just honest. I don’t expect perfection. 

I have two coaches who work with me, same thing. We can only work with you when we know what’s happening. That’s it. That level of honesty.

 There’s nothing wrong with being human.

6) Be willing to go deeper. 

My most successful clients are also willing to go deeper, not just stay surface level. 

I think diets are so enticing, so gratifying and addicting. They call to us, because they allow us to stay at a very surface level. 

They’re very familiar. It is just about:

  • Follow the diet. 
  • Eat these things. 
  • Do this. 

It doesn’t matter what you think and feel. 

Ignore that. Put that away. Put that in the closet, lock the door, and ignore all that. 

You can ignore all your thoughts and feelings. We’re not going to act on all of our thoughts and feelings, but to pretend that they don’t exist and all of my problems are only related to food, or I have the wrong macros, or I’m not doing the right workout. I’m sorry, but that surface level, and you will stay stuck until you’re willing to go deeper. 

I’m not a therapist. I’m not trying to get you to admit anything about your thoughts and feelings, but just acknowledging that there is more than which vegetables you’re eating. 

That’s very surface level. 

7) Be willing to let go of the scale.

I’m not saying that you can’t use the scale, but be willing to reassess the relationship you have with that inanimate object that you’ve given a lot of power to. 

You have to be willing to take back the power. 

  • The scale doesn’t do anything. 
  • It doesn’t say anything. 
  • It’s not withholding love.
  • It’s not preventing you from being successful. 

That’s on you. 

Breaking that relationship with the scale is really about creating a better relationship with yourself, with your expectations, with your body. Understanding that the scale isn’t always going to reflect what your efforts have been. 

If we make our worth and our value dictated and predicted by a number on the scale, we’re f*cked. 

To be perfectly honest, that is choosing hard, living and dying by the scale. 

8) Allow it to be uncomfortable.

The whole process of weight loss, the whole process of life, allow it to be uncomfortable. 

The unfamiliar path is uncomfortable. Our brain is always going to choose familiarity. If familiar, for you, is dieting and working out to lose weight. Then it is unfamiliar and uncomfortable to do it a different way or to think about it differently. 

It is letting go of the false control that comes with restrictive dieting, and it’s uncomfortable. I get it. Especially when you’re a big boss applesauce. I think a lot of women are. You tell everybody in your family what to do. You have it all under control, you pay the bills, you guide the calendar. 

It is unfamiliar territory, to try something new and different.

Inside Self Made, it isn’t a free for all. You don’t enter the program, and I just say eat better. Good luck. Have a nice day. 

Inside Self Made, and all of the variations that we’ve gone through, we actually did decide to make it easier. We had to not choose hard anymore in the way we were trying to keep up and deliver the program, not just for ourselves. I have a great team of people who deliver this program, not just my coaches, but a whole back end marketing team too. 

We wanted to actually make losing weight easy. 

That’s right, choose your hard. F*ck that, choose your easy. 

Officially on Wednesday, March 1, we have a Self Made Relaunch or Self Made 2.0. This is where we’re going after two and a half years working with clients, getting feedback, looking at those most successful clients and how to make this so easy. Step one, step two, step three and guide every single client to their own success. 

What I want for you is obviously easy weight loss. It isn’t just, here’s an easy diet to follow. There’s a lot of different layers. We have to take a step back and really look at what pieces of this program could we make tighter and just more guardrails, so to speak. 

We have literally been working tirelessly, and also joyfully, on this Self Made 2.0. 

What is really different?

Effective today, the first round of Self Made is 90 days. After the 90 days, then we’re going to be moving into six month rounds. We may still have a 12 month option to but really 90 days is your first round. 

Why do I say your first round? 

Because I don’t think most women are getting to their goals in 90 days, but the 90 day timeframe is easier to wrap your head around. 90 days versus the 24 weeks. And it gets everybody a little bit of fire lit under them. 

There’s also something else I’ve put into place with Self Made 2.0, a guarantee that you will lose at least 10 pounds in your first 90 Day round. If you don’t, I’ll work with you until you do. 

You cannot lose by signing up for this coaching program. We’ve made it a no brainer. 

We go into detail about what the expectation is to get that success guarantee. 

  • You check in every week, 
  • Attend one coaching call, 
  • Use your one-on-one coaching calls. 

If you do that, and you don’t lose 10 pounds in the first 90 days, we’ll keep working together till you do. 

Most of my clients inside Self Made renew anyway. Even if they lost three pounds, they’re still renewing because people love the coaching process and all of the tools that we offer that work, not just for weight loss, but in your relationships, in your career, in your financial goals, all of that.

We are very proud and very excited to release Self Made 2.0. You can get signed up and start right away. Another big change we made, sometimes I would talk to a client and they’d have to wait a full week till the next Monday to sign up. Now, as soon as you click yes, you’re ready to go. We have it all set up for you. 

We’ve thought of everything to make your weight loss not only easy, but inevitable. 


Tell me if you have seen this quote before… “Choose your hard. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard but we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.” Maybe it inspires you, maybe it doesn’t. But truly…what does it even mean? There is a lot of grey area in this quote.

Life isn’t just black and white.

It is much more complicated than that…and so is weight loss. Here’s what I know… The brain is always going to choose, not necessarily what is easy, but what is familiar. Many women struggle because of this. The choices they make are actually hard, but they continue to make them because they are familiar. It’s very hard to break the pattern of what is familiar, especially when it comes to weight loss, dieting, and working out.

Change is hard. For many women, including me, it is very hard to do something different. It’s very hard to trust a new process. It’s very hard to stop really restrictive dieting. BUT…there are ways to succeed by making simple changes. Let’s look at ways to “choose our hard” on episode 38 of Unf*ck Your Weight Loss.


Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.

Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience.

Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.

By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.

Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you unf*ck your diet brain.

She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.

Connect with Bonnie:

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With Bonnie Lefrak


Weight Loss Without The Bullsh*t