I want to ask you a question. What if disappointment was your superpower? What if you could feel disappointed and that could fuel you instead of stop you?
I see woman after woman, get on a scale, not get the number that they’d hoped for and automatically get disappointed.
If you are using the scale as part of your weight loss journey, remember…
- It is just a data point.
- It’s just a number.
- It’s just an inanimate object
- It’s nothing personal.
- The scale has nothing really to do with your weight loss.
- It is just a measurement at that moment.
The scale can go up and down for a variety of reasons.
- Sleep deprivation.
- Different hormonal cycles.
- If you had pizza last night, and you don’t normally eat a lot of carbohydrates.
There are many different ways the scale will go up and down. It is not a direct correlation to you as a person, to your worthiness, your value, or your work ethic. It is, in many ways, operating independently of you.
The scale can be helpful!
If you are trying something new, trying to eat more regularly, or you are eating different kinds of foods than you normally don’t, the scale can let you know if it is or isn’t working. However, as women, we seem to be trained to take the feedback as a personal violation. If I get on the scale and it doesn’t go down or doesn’t go down enough, or God forbid, it goes up, we find ourselves instantly disappointed.
I want to say disappointment isn’t a problem.
I’m pretty sure as a woman, you’ve run into disappointment before. I know I’ve had disappointments. Things like not making the softball team, getting cut from the cheerleading team, getting fired from that job, or not being able to refinance my house were all disappointments. All of these disappointments stung. But I use them as fuel to keep going!
You have the right to say, “That wasn’t the outcome that I wanted or even the outcome I expected. It doesn’t seem fair.”
I want to normalize the feelings that come along with it.
The frustration, the resentment, the shame, the fear. These are all valid feelings. That’s 90% of weight loss, right? There is this idea that it’s not about your feelings. You just put your head down, count the calories or macros, follow the plan, and you just do the thing. It doesn’t matter what you think and feel. Just fucking do it. That works great if you’re a robot.
But here’s the deal, what I’ve noticed about my clients, they all seem to be human.
They’re human women with feelings. Why don’t we just normalize having feelings, and being okay with them? You can be disappointed, defeated, and frustrated, and it doesn’t have to stop you. It doesn’t mean anything about you.
Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the idea that we can feel any feeling and yet still be moving forward. I am still in charge, driving the care, so to speak. Disappointment can sit next to me or in the backseat. I prefer that disappointment actually get in the trunk and get the fuck away from me! I can still move forward.
I don’t have to quit on my goals, throw the scale away, say fuck it, open up the freezer, and eat all the ice cream. All because I feel disappointed. Instead, I say, “Okay, I’m disappointed that it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.” I can even spend a whole day or two feeling disappointed. That is okay.
I don’t have to quit though and neither do you.
I can feel the feelings, then figure out what is my next step. It doesn’t have to be extreme. I know oftentimes, when we feel disappointed about losing weight or being on a diet, we get caught in a cycle of restricting and depriving ourselves. Trying to reduce all the calories and kick up the workout. Dial it in harder. I’m going to tell you, that’s not necessarily true. Just because the scale didn’t go down this week doesn’t mean that it won’t. It doesn’t mean that everything that you have been doing is wrong or not working.
I’m all for evaluating.
If you are going to use the scale, then pick a day of the week, it doesn’t matter which day, and make that your weigh-in day. Then, you can take a look and evaluate what happened over the course of the week. Things like, “I traveled and I didn’t get back until Tuesday at midnight. Then I got a terrible night’s sleep, and was so dehydrated the next day.”
Looking over the week ask yourself:
- What did I do?
- What went well?
I always start with what went well! Then, if you’re disappointed, be disappointed, but don’t quit on yourself! You can do this! The scale is not a determinant of your intrinsic value, your skill set, your ability to lose weight, or your happiness. It’s none of that. It is just a data point in time.
Something that actually drives me to wake up and want to help women is that I want to end the suffering.
For me personally, I’ve spent decades suffering, feeling not good enough, not lean enough, not thin enough, whatever was not-enoughness. I want to end that suffering!
I want to help you feel better. If we can look at and normalize these feelings, be it disappointment, defeat, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, or fear. It’s okay to feel these feelings. That’s real.
I want you to feel those feelings and keep on working on your goals without taking away more food or running 16 more miles this week. You don’t have to use the food or use the workout as a punishment for what the scale did or did not give to you.
The good news is, that it is our thoughts that create our feelings.
If you are feeling disappointed, know that it’s coming not from the scale. It is coming from something that you think or believe to be true about you and your efforts. That’s good news! I don’t want to make the scale responsible for all of my progress, my success, or my abilities. I am responsible for it. That means I get to think and believe anything that I want.
It doesn’t mean that as soon as I feel disappointed, I have to get rid of that feeling. I think we can just be more curious and compassionate. Sit with it and figure out why we’re feeling that way. Just like we would ask our kids if we saw that they were really disappointed over a grade or not getting onto a sports team or not being invited to a party. We need to extend that same love and compassion that we would give them to ourselves.
And so, I leave you with that, if you are feeling disappointed with your weight loss journey, it’s okay.
NOTES IN ANCHOR
What if disappointment was your superpower? What if you could feel disappointed and instead of it stopping you…it fuels your fire? The reason that I bring this up is that I see woman after woman get on a scale, not get the number that they wanted, and automatically get disappointed. Listen… The scale will go up and down for a lot of different reasons. If you are using the scale as part of your weight loss journey, it is just a data point…a number.
The scale is really it’s just an inanimate object. It has nothing to do with you. It’s nothing personal. As crazy as it sounds, the scale has nothing really to do with your weight loss. It is just a measurement at the moment. It is not a direct correlation to you as a person, to your worthiness, your value, or your work ethic. There are a million different ways a scale can be very helpful as feedback. However, as women, we seem to be trained to take the feedback as a personal violation.
I want to say disappointment isn’t a problem. You can use disappointment to fuel you towards your next goal. Sure…you can even spend a whole day or two days feeling disappointed. That is okay. I am here to normalize feelings, and you should feel your feelings. But you don’t have to allow your disappointment to make you quit.
ABOUT THE HOST
Bonnie Lefrak has been in the health and fitness industry for 25 years. As a former bikini competitor, Bonnie helps other women achieve their dreams of being on stage as bikini competitors through her bikini program at the gym she owns in Massachusetts called Fitness Asylum. But as a self-proclaimed professional dieter, Bonnie also realized the toll dieting takes on the human brain.
Bonnie helps women over 40 lose weight without killing themselves in the gym, eliminate all the BS food drama, and help to create a life and body they LOVE. She wants to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities. Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet. It is about MUCH more than that.
Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience. Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out. Transformation doesn’t happen on the scale. She is an expert at Demystifying weight loss and helps you unf*ck your diet brain.
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