Why Not You?

by | Apr 4, 2023

I always think about what would provide the most value to you. That’s the bottom line. I realize that I have a little bit of a bias. I don’t want to talk a lot about myself. I don’t, only when applicable, and I really don’t talk a lot about the value of having a coach like myself. 

In many ways my staff, my team, and my clients tell me that I’m doing a disservice. If I really want to provide value, then I should let people know how I can help them. That’s what this is about.

You’re probably here because you’re looking for weight loss help. You might be a struggling dieter. You might be wanting to move out of that into being a Self Made woman and you just don’t know enough about it. 

Inside my free Facebook group, I hope you’re already there. It’s Food, Fitness, Fat Loss For Real Life. It’s a group only for women. I’ve been talking about what’s been happening behind the scenes inside my coaching group called Self Made. It relaunched this month, March 2023.

Self Made isn’t just losing weight and making the scale go down. 

In the last two and a half years inside Self Made, we’ve had hundreds of clients. I think it’s 530 calls I’ve done in two and a half years on the phone for 30 to 60 plus minutes. I’ve gathered so much intel about what’s working, what’s not working, where are women struggling. 

To provide that value to you I’m going to be talking about Self Made today. Before you scroll away, this is not going to be some kind of hard sales pitch. I don’t need to sell you on anything except I probably need to sell you on you. 

I have a question for you. I ask a lot of questions as a coach, and this is going to be a very important question. 

Why not you? 

I don’t mean;

  • Why aren’t you in Self Made? 
  • Why aren’t you my client? 
  • Why aren’t you taking action? 

I mean; 

  • Why not you? 
  • Why haven’t you chased your dreams? 
  • Why haven’t you lost weight? 
  • Why haven’t you done the things that are on your list? 
  • Why haven’t you reached your goals? 
  • Do you have goals? 
  • Why not you? 

I ask myself why not me on the daily. It could change day to day. There is no right or wrong answer. Our answers will always shift based on our thinking. 

If I am thinking;

  • I don’t know what to do.
  • I’m doing it wrong. 
  • This isn’t working, 
  • I’m confused. 
  • I’m overwhelmed. 

I’m gonna have a different answer than when;

  • I’m determined.
  • I can figure this out. 
  • I’m gonna make a plan. 
  • Things change. 

And so I’m going to ask you, why not you? Then I’m going to go through some of the questions people have had for me about Self Made. Again, not because it’s a sales pitch, but because I think the answers are actually going to help you on your weight loss journey whether or not we ever work together.

I understand a lot of people are going to listen to the podcast and I thank you for that. I really do. It’s amazing how many different women I’ve been able to connect with. Please come to the free group, at the very least, because you can get even more information. I’m always doing masterclasses and videos, plus lots of good stuff is already in there. The actual free Facebook group is over two and a half years old as well, so it has a ton of content in there. You can use the search bar and find all the things. 

Let’s get right to it. 

These are the kinds of questions that come up, and my answers are probably going to be universal. Whether this is about you deciding to have me as your coach, your new best friend, or just different things that come up for you in your own weight loss however you’re doing it. 

1) Do I need to use a scale? 

I personally don’t use a scale. I don’t own a scale. Until recently I had the ability to say that I hadn’t been on a scale in like nine years. I haven’t been on the scale since right before my kids were born or maybe right after. My kids will be 10 in August. 

RecentlyI had to go to a doctor’s appointment. I don’t get on the scale, by the way. I just say no, thank you. I’ll give you an estimate of what I think my weight is. I’m not here for my weight. I’m here for XYZ. So I don’t need to get on the scale. There’s no reason. 

There was recently an exception to this rule, I had to get a new life insurance policy. I had the life insurance policy and the guy who got me the policy wasn’t that great. It was only a 10 year policy, so it’s coming to an end shortly. I wanted to get a newer, better life insurance policy. If you’ve never gotten a life insurance policy, they send someone to your house to do bloodwork and ask you questions and freakin weigh you. I knew this, right? We knew this was gonna happen.

The nurse was awesome. She’s super nice. Had a big backpack. Was very professional and pulls out a f*cking scale from the backpack. I told her upfront I don’t get on the scale. I don’t want to know. I’m not gonna look. I don’t really ever use a scale. She’s like, Oh, I totally understand. The end. I got on, got off, never even looked. 

Was there a part of me? That was like, super curious. Sort of. But you know, I really played it all out in my head. What difference does it make? By the way, I didn’t get approved for the insurance policy. 

My answer to this question is that for Self Made, we do a weekly accountability check in. I think that’s what people want in a coach is high accountability. 

Do you really need the accountability to get on a scale? No, because then we’re talking like Weight Watchers or something like that. The accountability that we have isn’t just hey, tell me what you weigh. Otherwise we end up playing scale games. I have to weigh in on Sunday or Monday. I have to make the scale go down. We have so many other things that we need to discuss in a check in. 

My answer to do I need to use the scale? No, you don’t. You never have to use the scale.

My clients are joining Self Made for weight loss. They can use the scale how they want. We ask that people check in every week. All the questions that we have are just not dependent on the scale. 

I do want to add, and this is for my clients, this is for you. If you’re struggling with the scale, and feelings you have about the scale, we work on all of that inside Self Made. My ideal would be for you to put the scale in a neutral place. I don’t mean a neutral place in your house. I mean, a place in your mind that it’s neutral. The scale isn’t good, it isn’t bad. It doesn’t do good things or give you love or withhold love or treat you badly. None of that. 

We don’t give life to an inanimate object. We recognize it is our thoughts and feelings about a number on the scale. Then what to do about them. That’s how we build a solid foundation for long term weight loss. If we’re constantly living and dying by the scale, we’re going to find ourselves, with our weight, going up and down and up and down. 

2) Is Self Made a contest or a challenge? 

My answer, no it is not. 

The reason that it’s not is that we do not gamify weight loss. We do want to celebrate it. Absolutely. 

We celebrate a lot inside Self Made;

What are the wins today? 

What are we celebrating? 

What is going well?

Where can you give yourself a pat on the back?

Because it’s easy for us to find all the things that are wrong or that are not going well. 

We are all about this as a weight loss program, but we’re not gamifying it . We’re not looking to make it a contest. We’re looking for permanent weight loss and, technically, we’re looking for permanent fat loss. Rather than have people race to make the scale go down by any means possible. We’re not making it that kind of contest. 

This is really just you versus you and not you versus you on the scale. This is you versus you probably more in your mindset. Making those little level ups, just like I have with Self Made 2.0. 

We’re getting to our future self, not by a scale, but who we become. We have to be that next level person. We have to do the things in order to have what we want.

3) I have a lot of food sensitivities, can I still do this? 

My answer is yes. 100%. 

This is not me prescribing one specific diet, or one way you have to eat. This is about creating sustainable weight loss. You’re not going to find list like, these are all the approved foods, these are the unapproved foods. These are things Bonnie says you can’t eat. 

I do like to tell people what to do. I have lots of opinions. I’m very direct. I mean, to be honest, people don’t pay me money to pussyfoot around. People pay me to be honest, and to be truthful, and to get results beyond the scale. But I get it. We have all been through so many diets. I get it. I’ve been there too. I’m not sitting on my throne of judgment over here. 

4) I’m a picky eater. For example I hate salads, can I still do this? 

Notice our brain is always going to be looking for the reasons. When I asked you the question, why not you, your brain is going to have a million answers for why not you. A million ways that this won’t work for you. This is a problem, you won’t follow through. That’s what brains do. They just look for danger. 

Yes, you can do Self Made even if you’re a picky eater. Even if you hate salads, because this is about creating that sustainable way to lose weight. In order to keep it off, we’re going to have to figure out what we like to eat and how we make that work.

  • We want to work with the way we eat.
  • We want to work with our lives.
  • Make the plan fit our lives.
  • Not make our whole life revolve around the plan.

And you know what? No one really ever has to eat salads. If it was as easy as just eating salad, then I think weight loss would actually be easy and also kind of boring. 

I do want to add there’s lots of different ways to make salads. They’re not all just big pieces of lettuce and some old cucumbers and a smushed tomato. You can make a lot of great salads. Don’t poo poo the salads. 

5) I am so busy. I just don’t have a lot of time to workout/meal prep/plan/work on myself. How can I make this program work for me? 

Let me answer this. Most of us are very busy. We do work on time management as part of Self Made so you can see how to maximize your time and or even allocate the time you have. I’m a really busy woman who wastes a lot of time. I’m very easily distracted. I go down a lot of rabbit holes. I can find myself doing online shopping while trying to do something more important. I get it. I think we all, and I do stand by this, we make time for what is important to us. Sometimes you need coaching on that. 

Sometimes we think what’s important to us is that everybody else comes first, I have to make everybody else happy. I have to do all the things for everybody else, but me. That takes coaching because if you believe that then you’ll always be last. 

The reality is, we all have to eat. We’re humans, we have to eat food. This is not about making eating food something fancy or complicated. For those of you who do not know me, I f*cking hate recipes, and there are recipes in the free group. You know why they’re there? I think it’s just the human brain looking for like, Oh, this looks good. That looks good. That’s delicious. I could make that and I’m just gonna pin it and put it like in a Pinterest board that I never do anything with. I have Pinterest boards that I do nothing with. I have a Pinterest board also of Tom Selleck that I’d love to do something with, but that’s something different altogether.

Weight loss doesn’t come down to eating certain foods or special foods or even making time to do a lot of meal prep. 

I’m going to blow your mind here. In many instances, I truly believe weight loss comes down to;

  • Not over eating, 
  • Not stress eating, 
  • Not mindless eating, 
  • Not eating because we are bored, lonely or want to fit in. 

Self Made is not another diet or challenge. When we talk about root causes of weight gain, it is not lip service. I’m actually appalled by anybody out there who’s not a real coach, and they just want to talk about oh, I’m gonna get to the root cause. It makes me nervous. It makes me nervous that people get into situations where clients have experienced trauma, and they don’t know what to do with that.

Self Made is a coaching program. It’s not therapy. Do my clients probably have trauma with a capital T? Probably. I would want them to go see somebody who was a trauma informed coach, if they need help really unpacking that. We don’t go deep into those traumas. 

Do we all as human beings have trauma with a lowercase t? Fuck yeah, all day long. Being human is traumatic. So when I talk about root cause stuff inside Self Made, myself and my coaches, we’re uniquely qualified to help you overcome the obstacles therefore move away from being that struggling dieter into the confident badass or the confident woman or whatever that next level identity is for you. 

We get stuck as a struggling dieter, and we think the answer is a different diet, new macros, different workouts and it’s not the root cause. 

Figuring out why we’re trying to use a diet when;

  • We are not dealing with how to feel our feelings, 
  • How to deal with frustration, 
  • How to deal with disappointment,
  • How to deal with stress. 

That’s it. 

Make it so simple, not scary. But something that has to be done if you want to lose weight and keep it off. 

6). This all sounds perfect and awesome Bonnie, but I just don’t have this in my budget. 

I guess I will just have to use your free posts and podcasts instead. 

Seriously, I get it. I’m going to be honest, I’ve said this to many women, no one has coaching in their budget. No one. 

I mean, first of all, I love a budget. I think budgets are smart. You have a budget for your mortgage, car payment, electricity, heat, incidentals, food, gasoline. I mean, there are things that cost money and things that we want to budget for. Nobody has coaching in our budget. Nobody has Starbucks seven days a week or online shopping and all the other things we spend money on. 

Hear me out on this, no one has it in their budget because no one really knows what weight loss coaching really is. We do provide a level of coaching that is not just collecting your weight and saying, awesome. Although there’s nothing wrong with that, I think you probably want a coach to be like, good for you.Good job, awesome. 

A coach is able to see many things that you do not. I know this for a fact, because I’ve had lots of coaches who’ve pointed out a lot of things to me that I did not say. Like, I’m addicted to drama, for example. That was something that a coach pointed out to me, which was very interesting. 

  • A coach is able to show you your thoughts that you do not even realize are holding you back.
  • A coach pushes you to your next level, but without beating you up. 
  • A coach actually saves you in time, energy and money in the long run.

Think about it. Rather than spend more time, energy and money. More years, 

  • Trying the next $39 diet. 
  • Or losing and gaining the same weight over and over. 
  • Or drinking shakes you hate. 
  • Or eating fake food in a box. 
  • Or taking advice from the girl on IG who is actually on steroids. 

Why not solve the issue that goes way beyond how to use macros, the right amount of cardio, the right kind of deadlift or all the minutiae that is distracting you from you?

I am never here to tell anyone about their own finances. I will say in my lifetime I have made many investments in my health, my fitness, my future. And that while I did not have the budget, and I was broke, dead broke, but I did what I did. I was very connected to the fact that I did not feel good in my body. I did not see the results of my efforts and I wanted to overcome that. And a coach needed help to overcome that. 

 7) Do I have to quit drinking alcohol? 

My answer to that., only if you want to. 

We look at alcohol inside Self Made the same way we look at food. So questions. 

  • Are you drinking because you need to relax? 
  • Are you drinking because it’s become a nightly habit? 
  • Are you drinking because you think it’s the only way to have fun? 
  • Are you drinking because you don’t want to feel sad, mad, bored, lonely, or that you want to feel happy, joyful and fun?

Many women in Self Made absolutely do drink, but they plan it the same way they would plan birthday cake or chips. They plan it in advance. We teach that in Self Made. 

I know it seems weird that we’d be teaching you how to drink beer. Here’s the thing. There’s a lot of things we were not taught growing up. Nobody teaches us how to feel feelings. Nobody teaches us that. I know it sounds crazy that stress eating doesn’t solve stress. I know. Crazy.

I’ve also seen inside Self Made some women do quit drinking. Not because we told them to. Not because we pointed out that they were doing bad things with alcohol. They came to their own conclusion. When you really add up the calories, you could be drinking an extra 400, 500, 600 calories every time you drink. That’s up to you. 

We want you to lose weight in the same way you want to live your life. Most of us do want to feel good. We want to have a clear head. We don’t want a headache. We want to feel energetic and radiant. Eventually, we might discover that alcohol might not be part of that. That is okay. 

I know it sounds terrifying. If alcohol is a big part of your life, we don’t pluck it away from you. 

8) Can I still do keto or (fill in the blank) kind of diet and also be in Self Made? 

Here’s the story. While I personally do not see keto being a long term sustainable weight loss plan, since I have spoken to hundreds of women who have gained all the weight back plus so much more. I will say this, if you like it, it certainly could be part of your own weight loss journey. I do really believe all diets work. I know they do. 

It is a journey. It’s to the very end. We don’t lose weight and then not have the journey anymore unless we drop dead and I hope that doesn’t happen. The journey could change. You could say, you know what, I want to play with keto for the next 30 days. But when the 30 days ends, you can’t go back to just doing whatever you want, as much as you want, whenever you want. That’s not the opposite of keto, you would have to figure out ahead of time how you’re going to transition out of that. 

That’s why coaches are helpful, rather than doing it yourself. It costs you a lot of time, energy, money, and possibly extra pounds and aggravation to transition into what is next for you. 

The answer is yes, you could. 

9) Is there a deadline to sign up? 

Yes, my answer is yes and no. 

Right now for March, we decide ahead of time to only keep the doors open through Sunday 3/19. As a team, we’ll reassess what kind of launch we want to do in April. 

For this month, March, we have a bonus gift that gets mailed directly to your home. It will be both useful and fun. 

I want to make sure that every woman who joins Self Made has an awesome experience. Most of my clients do stay longer. We want to make sure that we provide you with a quality experience, great onboarding, and getting started. I don’t want to take 30 women in a month and feel like I’d be spread too thin. Trying to converse with all of them, get them all started, make sure everybody’s off to a you know, a good place. 

This is Self Made 2.0. We want to do it right. We want to go slow. Get the right clients, and make sure we figured everything out. Then I’ll open the floodgates. know that we will be able to handle it if it is 30 in a month. If it’s 130 a month, we can handle it. 

Right now, when Self Made 2.0 is still fairly new, we’re making sure that we have it all ironed out. I’m okay with just a couple of the right people. 

I do think if you’re thinking about signing up the question is, why not you? Why are you waiting? 

Time is the only thing we can’t get more of. 

10) Does my 90 days start as soon as I sign up? 

Here’s what we discovered very quickly. As soon as you sign up, you have access to the member portal, you’re getting all of the stuff. As soon as you click the button and you pay, boom, all the things happen. It’s like online shopping. 

Here’s what we did. We’ve added a full seven days to the beginning,  so you get a full week to get totally acclimated and organized. That way we can do an onboarding call with you. That would be one of your first one-on-one coaching calls, because we have one-on-one coaching calls inside Self Made. That gets you set up for success and so you do not feel rushed. 

We don’t want to bring with us a feeling of urgency and fear that we’re not doing the work. We don’t know enough and we’re gonna miss out and we’re going to do it wrong.  I’m so overwhelmed with all the stuff. 

We don’t want that right. We want it to be like dude, chill, we got a whole week, so it’s 97 days. We have a whole week to get acclimated. Whether you join today or tomorrow or Friday or Sunday, it doesn’t matter what day of the week. You technically could start when you want, but we give you that first full week. 

11. Do I have to submit weekly photos? 

No, you do not have to submit any weekly photos unless you want to. 

Here’s the thing. I love the idea that you would take a photo of yourself every week and just keep it in your phone. Keep it for yourself. Having photos is something I think that always pays off, even if you personally do not see the differences right away. That’s why you have a coach. 

I tell this to my clients all the time, in all the programs. Sometimes as the client you’re just too close to the project. The project is you. That’s why you have a coach. The coach always has that 30,000 foot view. When you’re going through the process of losing weight, you don’t see it right away. But it’s nice to have those photos as you go through the first three months and the next three months and the next three months. You do start to see. 

I’ve kicked myself for not having photos to be perfectly honest. 

12) What happens after 90 days? 

Most of our Self Made clients actually stay 6 to 12 months on average, some longer, We make it very easy and attractive to continue. In plain speak, we have an ascension plan that is discounted, so we make it easy to stay in Self Made and to continue with the coaching. Many women continue, not because they didn’t lose weight. I mean, who’s going to continue if they don’t lose weight, right? 

They stay because they love the experience.They love how coaching is improving their everyday life, whether that’s at home, in the office, with your parents, with a significant other. People are changing their lives beyond just the scale. 

13) What if I have a vacation planned or I get sick? 

It’s all part of life. We want you to be able to feel in control, no matter what happens, because life does get lazy. We can’t only work on ourselves when there is nothing going on. That’s just not realistic. 

There’s always something going on whether it’s planned, or whether it pops up. So don’t worry about whether you have a vacation or you get sick. I’ve had clients who have gotten very sick, someone had long COVID. You know what I did? I extended her program. 

Don’t you worry about that. We’re all going to have those things that come up. It’s easy for our brains to find all the reasons why. 

When I asked, why not you? Our brain says;

  • What if you get sick? 
  • What if you have a work trip? 
  • What if you have to go on a vacation?

Part of what we do in Self Made is to help you during those times. Help you make a plan for vacation or getting sick. Not a plan, like bringing your food scale to Disney. I mean, that’s weird. Unless you want to. I’m not gonna say don’t. I mean, if you love doing that. We want you to go have a good time and not feel like you have to eat your face off. Not feel regretful for enjoying a margarita or whatever you want. 

14) Is this that bikini thing you do? 

I thought a lot about making more content because I wonder if people are confused. I am also a bikini and physique coach. That’s bikini. That’s bigger. That’s bodybuilding for women who are getting on stage. I have a transformation program for women who want to get on stage but Self Made is not that at all. Self Made has nothing to do with that. 

Well, yes and no. I do think it’s a perfect program for women who have competed before and need to stabilize their hormones, their relationship with food and their bodies because competing can really f*ck with you. I’ve always had previous and current bikini competitors in this program. 

I wish that there was this kind of program for me for all of the weight loss journeys I’ve been on. Especially coming out of competing, where I have that all or nothing mindset. You kind of have to when you compete. There is no like, Oh, I’m gonna do the diet 80% because then you’re gonna get less than 50% results. Coming out of that really strict diet, the really strict workout schedule, all of the things that happen in contest prep. I wish I had this kind of program to help me get back to what could be a new normal. How will I lose weight and keep it off for the rest of my life, even if I never get on stage again? 

I hope that answers questions that you might have had about;

  • Me
  • Self Made
  • Coaching
  • what the fuck is all of this?

I do want to speak, not just for myself, but for my entire team at Self Made. It’s me, I have two coaches. I have a whole team. I have Breona who helps me answer questions. I have just so many people who work on this program so that it can be easy and simple for you to lose weight. 

I want to say that we would all love to have you join us. 

If you are ready, and you are willing to work on yourself, then this is the program for you. 

This is a small group program, a small but mighty group of women just like you 39 to 59. 

We’re dealing with similar;

  • Hormone changes, 
  • Stress,
  • Body weight they’re tired of lugging around, 
  • A lot of mental weight, too. 

I hope that this was insightful, even if you’re not in the market for a coach, or Self Made isn’t on your shopping list. That is okay. 

If you’d like to accelerate where you want to go and get there that much faster in a much more personalized way, Self Made is that program. And right now is a great time because we are still small, and you can lose weight. 

Where do you want to be in 90 days, is another question to ask yourself. 

Why not you? I’m going to ask you to answer that.


If you’re listening to this podcast, you’re probably here because you’re looking for weight loss help. You might be a struggling dieter. You might be wanting to move out of that into being a Self Made woman, but you just don’t know enough about it. In the free Facebook group, which I hope you are a part of, Food, Fitness, Fat Loss for Real Life I have been talking a lot about what’s been happening behind the scenes inside my coaching group called Self Made. We have taken all of the intel we gathered over the last 2.5 years about what’s working, what’s not working, and where are women struggling and relaunched as Self Made 2.0.

I’m going to go through some of the frequently asked questions people have had for me about Self Made. I’m not doing this because it’s a sales pitch, but because I think the answers are actually going to help you on your weight loss journey. Whether we work together or not, these are the kinds of questions that come up. And my answers are probably going to be universal whether this is about you deciding to have me as your coach, your new best friend, or just different things that come up for you in your own weight loss journey. Let’s get right to it on episode 40 of Unf*ck Your Weight Loss, now! 


Bonnie Lefrak is a Life & Body Transformation Expert and Founder of Self Made, a program designed to help you tackle the physical aspects of health and weight loss as well as the beliefs and thoughts that drive our habits and behaviors. It is her goal to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities.

Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet – it is about MUCH more than that. Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience.

Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out.

By addressing both the physical and mental aspects of dieting and weight loss, she has coached thousands of women ages 30-55+ from all over and helped them ditch the mindsets that are holding them back, achieve permanent weight loss, and get the bangin’ body of their dreams.

Bonnie is an expert at Demystifying weight loss. She helps you unf*ck your diet brain.

She is on a mission to help women love themselves, to find PEACE in the process of losing weight, taking care of themselves, and leveraging the power they do have to become who and want they want right now.

Connect with Bonnie:

Facebook Group- https://www.facebook.com/groups/707942356603835

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/bonnielefrak/

Website- https://bonnielefrak.com

Application- https://bonnielefrak.com/application

Email- bonnie@bonnielefrak.com

With Bonnie Lefrak


Weight Loss Without The Bullsh*t