Do you ever just feel stuck when it comes to weight loss? Like no matter what you do you just can’t move the needle in the right direction? You might have these thoughts floating around in your head:
- “I’m stuck.”
- “I can’t get unstuck.”
- “I feel so stuck.”
- “I’m spinning in place.”
- “I can’t make any headway.”
- “I just can’t get out of my own way.”
If any of this sounds familiar, I have some good news. This is totally normal! This is what human brains do because our brain perceives being unstuck could be dangerous. So, let’s talk about 3 reasons why you’re “stuck”.
Stuck is a feeling.
If you haven’t already figured this out, your brain is just doing all the things the brains do to keep us alive.Weight loss is not the first priority. That’s not what your brain is thinking about in terms of keeping you alive. That’s why if you really think about it, why our brains are so driven towards a reward like food that tastes good and is easy to over consume. Obviously, the more I eat, and the more excess calories I store, the more likely it will be that I do not die from starvation.
Your brain is also very much in tune with avoiding anything that seems dangerous. And that could also mean doing something different. Getting unstuck is doing something different. A long time ago avoiding danger meant running from a saber toothed Tiger running down the street. Nowadays, danger feels like listening to the news, scrolling social media, or opening a bill. So the primitive brain still does all of the same functions today that it did hundreds or 1000s of years ago.
Your brain is also designed to be very efficient, borderline lazy. That way you don’t have to spend a lot of time figuring stuff out. Things like brushing your teeth are automated in your brain. The more automations your brain can make the better. Or at least that’s what your brain thinks.
Feeling stuck is really more a matter of stories we tell ourselves.
When I think about being stuck, it really is about a story we’ve created about ourselves. Our brains are amazing little supercomputers that catalog everything that we see and experience. It’s pulling in information and using a filter of our past experiences to create stories. Once we have a story about ourselves, the brain starts to then look for similar things to bolster the story.
The stories that we start to tell ourselves, our brain seeks out more evidence and more evidence to bolster this up. If I tell myself that I’m big boned, I will keep finding evidence of being big boned. Then I don’t have to feel bad about not being at a weight or being in a body that I want because I’m just big boned.
It is interesting in that way the reticular activating system works.
I recently went car shopping. All of a sudden, I started to notice everybody has that thing that I was seeking. Your brain starts identifying it. So stories are sort of interesting when it comes to us feeling stuck. In many ways, it’s sort of fascinating that it is our brains that are creating the stories that are keeping us stuck.
But we act like being stuck is happening to us. Like we’re almost stuck in cement, or we’re drowning in quicksand. And that has a lot of feelings attached to it. We feel very:
- Overwhelmed
- Anxious
- Out of control.
And yet, we are in total control. our brain just doesn’t want us to know that. Being stuck equates to feeling safe.
When you think about feeling stuck, and then the stories we create about ourselves, our brain is going to defend this story of being stuck.
My story is about my terrible ADHD and how the terrible ADHD keeps me from achieving my goals and performing at an optimal level. It’s the reason why I’m not organized. It’s the reason why things don’t get done. And if they do get done, it’s very last minute. I forget call times. I forget to pay bills. Every time that I miss an important deadline, it just helps reinforce the story about the terrible ADHD.
There is an interesting twist to this where if I have terrible ADHD, now I don’t have to feel bad. I don’t have to feel guilty. I don’t have to feel ashamed because I have ADHD. Can I say it louder for you? But here’s the funny thing…I still feel guilty. And I still feel ashamed. So the story is designed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t.
You can let the story go.
That’s the message here. The story does not serve you. It could feel scary, and a little emotional to let it go. When you peel back the story just like taking off a band aid, there’s going to be some tears. It is difficult to peel something back and reveal something that’s not exactly true.
Stories are your brain’s way of trying to protect you from feelings. Yet, we don’t get to escape the feelings. Crazy right?
I’m going to take you a little bit deeper on this path.
When we talk about being stuck or feeling stuck, we have this whole thing with the stories. So why can’t we just can’t flip a switch and say, “Oh, that story sucks. I’m going to come up with a new story.”?
Thoughts, over time, become beliefs. And the more I believe something over and over and over, my brain, because it’s ambitiously lazy, wants to create the shortcuts. There are neural pathways that are created in our brains that take us from point A to point B very quickly. In fact, they become like grooves in our brain.
Beliefs get built in, not just built on.
They’re not just a figment of our imagination. They are literally built into our brain. So, if you’re feeling stuck, you’re going to have to work at this a little bit. It’s not going to be overnight. And that is okay. You can reassure yourself that this is what happens if I have had these thoughts for a long time. They become beliefs. And over time, these beliefs really do become part of your physiology. It’s going to take a little bit of time to reroute it.
The idea of comfort versus discomfort.
Our brains think safe and comfortable are king. It will always want to choose comfort over discomfort. Making changes feels very uncomfortable. Our primal brain is going to guard these stories because something new creates far more discomfort than not believing the bullshit that keeps you stuck. That’s really where it’s at. It’s overcoming this idea or the feeling of discomfort.
So if you’re feeling stuck, know that there are 1000s of years of actual biology behind how your brain is synthesizing information and then spitting it back out to you as the truth.
Being stuck is okay. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart, and ask yourself, “What do I need? What am I feeling? What is true for me right now?” And be okay with whatever comes up.
When we’re feeling stuck, usually there’s more underneath.
The story is what’s covering it. I want to challenge you. Take a look and see where there are stories in your life that are not serving you. Stories about who you are or who you are not, stories about your body, your weight, your goals, your life, and stories about being stuck. You’re part of the story and your brain is going to want to keep you stuck. But you don’t have to stay there.
NOTES IN ANCHOR
Do you ever just feel stuck when it comes to weight loss? Like no matter what you do you just can’t move the needle in the right direction? You might have these thoughts floating around in your head:
- “I’m stuck.”
- “I can’t get unstuck.”
- “I feel so stuck.”
- “I’m spinning in place.”
- “I can’t make any headway.”
- “I just can’t get out of my own way.”
If any of this sounds familiar, I have some good news. This is totally normal! This is what human brains do because our brain perceives being unstuck could be dangerous. So let’s talk about 3 reasons why you’re “stuck”.
ABOUT THE HOST
Bonnie Lefrak has been in the health and fitness industry for 25 years. As a former bikini competitor, Bonnie helps other women achieve their dreams of being on stage as bikini competitors through her bikini program at the gym she owns in Massachusetts called Fitness Asylum. But as a self-proclaimed professional dieter, Bonnie also realized the toll dieting takes on the human brain.
Bonnie helps women over 40 lose weight without killing themselves in the gym, eliminate all the BS food drama, and help to create a life and body they LOVE. She wants to help women create certainty in their own lives, their own results, and their own abilities. Weight loss is not about the one “right” diet. It is about MUCH more than that.
Weight loss is not about the one “right” workout. Weight loss is not about being positive and putting a big smile on. Weight loss is about FEELINGS. All of them. Not trying to bury them or hide from them but knowing and allowing the full human experience. Weight loss is not about grinding hustling and will powering your way to some end line. Transformation (when done well) is done from the inside out. Transformation doesn’t happen on the scale. She is an expert at Demystifying weight loss and helps you unf*ck your diet brain.
Connect with Bonnie-
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Email- bonnie@bonnielefrak.com